Not applicable because I wouldn't separate couples anyways. That seems too much like some sort of getting-to-know-you assignment from middle school or something. I would probably be really ticked if I went to a friend's house and they asked me not to sit with my husband.

Personally I think it's a bit odd that I wouldn't have sat her and her boyfriend together in the first place. I mean, why wouldn't that be ok? Plus, if she did want to move (after I strangely separated her from her bf) then I don't think I'd be that bothered really. People don't tend to converse only with the person they'r next to anyway, especially if there are a lot of guests.

I'd superglue the b*tch's buttcheeks together, shave her eyebrows, and make her eat her dinner in the garage! Kidding. (Sort of.) Actually, I think that I would just continue on with the party. A grumpy guest can spoil a nice get-together REAL fast. Then, I would either address the matter to her on another day, or simply wouldn't ask her over to a dinner party in the future.

At least she told you and didnt just do it. But I agree, why would you split her up from her boyfriend? Thats a little weird. I can see being annoyed with her if she wanted to sit with a friend or a guy she thought was cute but if it had been me I might have done the same.

Hmmm. Not sure why I'd want to tell my friends where to sit. It sounds a bit 'control-freaky' to me.

I like my guests to be comfortable and happy. They can sit where they please at my house.

Sounds like Monica from Friends. lol

I'm attached to the hip with my boyfriend, but I don't mind not sitting next to him. The point of parties is to mingle, socialize, and get to know different people. If you can't handle not being next to your boy/girlfriend for an entire evening, then maybe you've got some dependency issues.

i think you handled the situation well, but i'd want to sit by my hubby at a dinner party. i understand wanting to get your guests to mingle with new ppl, but i'd still keep the couples together.

I think you handled it well and with class -- but to avoid this type of situation, I generally a) allow guests to sit where they want or b) seat them next to someone they know well (best friend, significant other, sibling, etc.) and someone they don't know at all.

Also, no matter how I feel about arranged seating, I do think it was rude of your friend to just go ahead and rearrange. I think arranged seating pretty much sends a clear signal that it wasn't ARRANGED to be CHANGED.

i'm so anti the 'couples shouldn't sit next to each other' idea. i'm going to have a much better time if i'm sitting next to my boyfriend, no doubt about it. even with close friends!

I can see that this would be an especially important situation to deal with carefully. I think I would have done the same thing. It's a great idea to separate couples, especially when you have a split group (1/2 couple and 1/2 not) and if you're trying to introduce 2 different sets of friends. I hope your friend understood.

ummmmm... are you serious? Remind me to RSVP NO to your party!!! hahaha jk I honestly would not have had seating arrangements. I have dinner parties all the time and people sit where they are comfortable. If you ahve a small enough group the entire group will converse with one another.

"Awww but I separated the couples so we would all make some new friends! Cant you live without him for one night? And hey... you should feel lucky... Im SINGLE!" Give her a drink and be on your way!

You handled it well, but if it were me being separated I wouldn't rearrange them myself, but I'd certainly ask to sit next to him. Especially if he was the only person I knew- I'm all about meeting new people but my evening is more fun when my bf is included in my conversations. Call me anti-social, but I would feel way uncomfortable sitting on the other side of the table, even if I knew people there.

I think that the comfort of my guests is more important than my hope that they mingle. I wouldn't seat someone apart from their significant other unless I was entirely sure that they both would feel comfortable in that situation. I personally wouldn't be and I know my fiance wouldn't either.

It's your party, so you can run it however you like and most people usually go along with that idea. I prefer to sit with my fiance, but I don't think we'd make an issue of it if someone had a seating plan that separated us.

Sounds like Monica from Friends. lol

{monica}I know!{/monica}

I don't care where people sit when I invite guests over. Sit wherever there's an open spot. But then I don't have an actual dining room table complete with settings. Guests in my place have to gather all willy nilly around the warm glow of the TV. Heehee.

Seriously.... It does seem a lil control-freak to me.

It's not like I have a problem not being with my significant other, but if we were both at the same party, it would be weird to not be seated next to or across from him. I could go to a party without him just fine, we do separate stuff a lot. But to be at the same party and not seated together is weird.

I think you handled the situation perfectly. It's not like you singled just this person and their boyfriend out, you just wanted everyone to get to meet everyone. It's not like they couldn't still talk to their partner.
Once for Thanksgiving we did something similar, we were at my parents house and had my in-laws and my sisters in-laws (to including siblings, nephews, etc) over.
We had 3 different tables, and had the spots marked with football teams logo's.
Everyone picked out of a bag a logo and went and sat their for dinner.
Then for dessert we had another seating change!
It was lots of fun, everyone loved it!
We only had to switch people once when my sister's father in-law ended up about to sit next to the step-father in-law (and blood's not good there), and one of the daughter's stepped in and said "Dad, why don't you go sit by _______, I know she wants to talk to you"
It was GREAT to see my very very very conservative father in-law enjoying a conversation with my sister's brother in-laws same sex partner. I am sure if we hadn't forced it, it wouldn't have happened, and they found out they had a lot in common (being from military families and being history buffs)

When I have dinner parties of more than 6 people, I generally will put out place cards and separate couples. Putting out place cards avoids the awkwardness of people standing around saying, "where should i sit" once you asked people to be seated and are trying to get food plated and on the table. I think people do talk to the people that they are sitting next to and so seating couples apart allows our friends to get to know each other better as we often will have friends from work/grad school/college that know each other through us but don't not directly. I always think about what people might have in common and who would get along and I think when other people do place settings that they have put the same thought and consideration into it as I do. It's not because I'm trying to set people up, but because I love my friends and want them to all get to know each other. I'd likely handle the situation the same was as YumSugar. Anyway, my husband and I have plenty of opportunity to talk when its just us(and by the way, we are newlyweds and 5 of the 7 years we dated were long distance).

You handled it well, but I would always rather seat couples together. The most important job as a hostess is to see that your guests are comfortable - seems like more people feel comfortable sitting next to their partner. If I was the guest, I would probably decline future invitations to your dinner parties and sit-down events (I'd still be there at a cocktail party though!). My free time is valuable, I don't get to see my partner enough as it is.
I'd be interested to see a poll on what sugar readers prefer as a guest - sitting next to their parter or apart.

So, what happened, Yum? Did the night go smoothly?

One other thing, what's up w/ all the new members commenting for their first times on THIS post? Strange, not?

I think a dinner party with place cards is a perfectly acceptable and standard set up. Guests should behave in accordance with their host's wishes.
Your friend moving her card may have worked out for her, but she also had to move some one else and that might not work for that person she chose to move.

Each host will handle seating arrangements according to her/his own style and the occasion.
It seems like basic proper etiquette as a guest to respect this.

on a side note--I think the photo that goes with the story is pretty funny. Not only is she an ungracious guest, she also wears see-through clothing!

lexi - i noticed that too - it says everyone is new!

and i don't know that i would split the couples unless it was going to be awkward for the singles.

Very rude as a hostess. Your primary intent should be to make everyone feel comfortable and welcome in your home. I understand the desire to encourage mingling but separating couples is bizarre. I actually rarely get to see my boyfriend and if someone purposely seated me away from him I would think it were oddly contrived and annoying. Your response to your guest was petulant and lacking in grace, and I am sure she is dreading any future invitations that may come from you.

I think that if a hostess wants to mix up couples that should by all means be respected. The dinner is only part of the evening, there are obvioulsy cocktails before and most likely mingling afterwards where guests can sit/stand next to their signficants. I sort of feel like everyone who would be mad if they couldn't sit next to their boyfriend/husband is being a bit closed-minded. While I agree that you want your guests to be "comfortable" I think that the girl was very out of line to move placecards around. There is nothing wrong with stepping out of your comfort zone, especially if the hostess is hoping to foster new friendships and conversations outside of the "same-old". As someone who has probably put equal time into preparing for parties/dinners, I would be so frustrated if someone moved my seating (or any other element of the party) around. And for people who don't ever see their boyfriends and are using someone else's dinner party as an opportunity to catch up with him, you probably should have declined in the first place.

Well all of our friends know one another really. But to answer the question, I would probably end up rolling my eyes at her and telling her that WASN"T what the point of the seating arrangement was, but I would let it go and tell her next time leave things alone.

I think I would panic if I noticed I wasn't by my husband. Not that I can't go an hour without having him at my side- i'm just a bit socially awkward at times and don't love being around new people. I would be miserable being surrounded by people I didn't know. If I knew everyone really well then it wouldn't be an issue at all. But that's probably just me and my anxiety issues

If I was the guest and my host(ess) talked to me like I was in kindergarten, I'm pretty sure I would have left.

Im really shocked at how many people are against being seperated for a FEW HOURS from their significant others. People-seriously? How difficult is it to not be attached at the hip to your guy? I DO think Yum could have handled it nicer. Maybe say "I understand why you did that but I actually wanted to seperate couples on purpose for tonight. Let's try that and see how it works- if everyone absolutely is uncomfortable we can rearrange. Cool?"

I have to agree that a lot of people seem REALLY close minded about this. Dinner doesn't last ALL night, it's just one part. There was only 12 people- it's not like anyone was sitting at seperate tables. How is sitting a couple chairs away from your man so frightening? Wow...

Does anyone remember the part in Pride and Prejudice when Lizzie is visiting the Collins' and they dine with Lady Catherine? When they sit down to dinner, Mr Collins tries to sit next to his wife and Lady Catherine yells at him - "you cannot sit next to your wife Mr Collins! Move!" I think traditionally, spouses/significant others do not sit next to each other at meals, in order to encourage conversation and new acquaintance.

I kind of think everyone is making a big deal out of this. Obviously Party worked really hard to plan and execute all the details of her party and I think it was pretty rude of the guest to assume it was an oversight on the hostess' part that they weren't seated together. I would never dream of moving placecards around. It's better to have an open mind about this kind of thing. Just my 2 pennies!

seating arrangements are so "70's swinger party" i cant stand them. If You cant talk to new people around a table while sitting next to your boyfriend or husband something is wrong with you.

I don't like separating couples, and wouldn't do that. Also, if somebody rearranged my seating so she could sit next to her boyfriend, I'd let it be, and worry about other stuff (like the food!). It sounds like you're a bit to obsessed with seating arrangements! I know that Miss Manners seems to think seating arrangements are all important, but I'd rather have my guests happy.

Seating arrangements feel a little stiff. My formal side loves them but I would be annoyed if I were forced to sit away from my boyfriend. Often he is the only person I'm interested in talking to anyway, but I'm mean.

I'm quite shy and I would be incredibly uncomfortable if I went to a dinner party and was forced not to sit by my boyfriend. I understand the rationale behind it, but if I wanted help getting over my social insecurities, I'd go talk to a therapist or something. I'd hope that my friend would have known this in the first place and wouldn't have done this to me.
So, I guess I wouldn't have been in your shoes because, knowing how I'd feel about having to be seperated from my social security blanket, I wouldn't have seperated people in the first place. If it was something else...like, suppose I unintentionally put them next to someone that they didn't get along with, I'd probably move things around. I like to plan ahead, but I also plan for things to always go a little rocky and not 100% to plan.

I wouldn't get borthered...i'm not anal about this kinda stuff. I wouldn't have made name tags anyway, i think it's a bit if a controlling-i want to play god- attitude.

it was rude of her part to move the cards ! very rude...

in fact it sound a little weird to me the thing you did Yum, Fair because it was your party and they only have to sit like that for dinner... and maybe if the table wasn't round...

I am 100% with seat arrangements, but still When I did it I did put cuples together. But like limelindsey said, they are like rules or something like that, it was your dinner party and not hers

I would have left the party if the hostess tried to tell me who I could, and could not sit next to. I always hated those "get to know each other" games played in school, and this seems no different. The whole idea seems a bit too controlling. If you are having an adult dinner party, you should treat your guests like adults and allow them to choose where they sit.

I would never host a party where I had a seating chart. It's unnatural and it just makes things awkward. I'd just make introductions and make sure that everyone knew each other and get conversations flowing but allow people to sit next to whomever they choose.

I would have let my friend sit next to her boyfriend, then rearranged the other place cards to put the other couples together too (so that it wasn't just one couple together and the rest separated). I would want my friends to have a good time at the party and not create an awkward situation.

a hostess should always make her guests comfortable- it should be top priority

furthermore, i would not separate couples, i dont need to be attached to my husband's hip, but i sit next to him when we have dinners together, sheesh

i think it was rude and if your guest asked, prob took lots of courage and i would not return as a guest when i could not even sit to who i wanted to sit next to!

The fact of the matter is, if your guests want to mingle w/ the other invited guests, they'll do it on their own terms. I feel the need for a host to invent a seating chart already implies that she knows the guests won't intermingle willingly...hence, they aren't meant to be at the same shin-dig.