that is foul.

I don't have kids and when I want adult company I don't want kids around. Most of my friends don't have kids so it is not really a problem. I do agree that the invitation should specify weather or not the kids are invited. If they are I probably wouldn't go.

yah that's pretty bad
some people are so weird about their kids
like if my kids aren't invited, i'm not coming
so annoying

for me, if a friend has that attitude (kids can't go neither will I), I don't think that would bother me. I'd respect them for their decision.

Randomly showing up with uninvited kids to inappropriate functions, that would really bother me.

We didnt invite children to our wedding (most of it was cocktail hour and there are no underage children in my immediate family right now). Even though the invitations were addressed to mr and mrs, my cousins rsvp'd that yes they and their 5 kids would be attending. It was the hardest phonecall we had to make to say I am sorry but this is an adult only event and we have limited space.

Someone suggested that I should have been specific on the invitation - such as writing "no kids". But i think thats ridiculous (besides tacky). The invitation was very clear that only mr and mrs were invited.

that def is a frustrating thing. i know that sometimes girls get upset when their friends bring along boyfriends/husbands to a girls only thing. that's one of the concerns that we have for our wedding actually. we're having a destination thing, and we'd prefer no kids, but of course that may prove to be a challenge since it's so far from home for a few people.

ilnac - one thing you can do is offer childcare the night of the wedding - or during the reception after the ceremony. Just find a babysitting service (certified etc since its not your own kids) and offer it to parents with children under a certain age. You can see if you can get a room at the event location with a tv and a couple of disney movies. They have popcorn and finding nemo and the kids will be happily occupied, and parents free to socialize with other adults. And no fingers in your carefully picked out wedding cake

sillygirl - it's too bad that you had to make that difficult phone call in the first place! it makes you feel uncomfortable and also makes you come off as the bad guy...hopefully they took it well!?!?!?

it's so obvious...mr and mrs invites are for LES DEUX SEULEMENT
and family is for kids...what about this don't people understand!!

i am such a kid-lover but i'm also all about the respect and etiquette!

I don't know why people have such a hard time adhering to what their host requests. I know people that have deliberately brought children to events knowing they weren't invited. Some people seem to be offended that their children are not invited to everything.

I don't know, I think "significant others" is pretty vague. I don't think I would have interpreted that as including kids, but I don't think I could fault someone for doing so. If you want to be clear on who is/isn't invited, get all the names! Some people will still bring uninvited guests, but at least then you know it's due to them being dense.

rude. also annoying when parents bring ALL their kids to a child's birthday party, not just the one on the invitation.

Oh, I've even had people show up with their kids' FRIENDS!! I really am to the point where I no longer throw big parties... just intimate get-togethers with friends who have demonstrated that they understand party etiquette. You know, they RSVP, they don't arrive early, they don't bring unexpected guests, and they show up with a bottle of wine. LOL

I just e-mail the host/ess and ask them if kids can come. It's not that hard and I'm not offended if kids can't come, but I need to know whether or not to plan for a babysitter. The one time recently I assumed kids weren't invited, they are! It's crazy.

Any time there's a party of any sort and kids would normally be up at that time, I ask. Happy hour at someone's house is different than at a bar...

thankfully none of my friends or immediate family members have kids yet, but i can see this being extremely awkward (since i really dislike children, and prefer to NOT be around them as often as possible.)

i have a huge extended family, though, and i've definitely received wedding invites that specify "no children". i didn't find it to be tacky or offensive. i mean, if you're already hosting an event and paying for 100+ people's dinner and drinks, i don't blame you for specifying "NO you MAY NOT bring your five kids also."

plus, i feel, if there's an open bar, there just shouldn't be kids running around... i remember accidentally downing glasses of wine and beer as a kid thinking they were juice or ginger ale.
(and learned VERY quickly that they weren't )

Is this rule valid forever, or only until the kids have reached a certain age?

My sister is 18 years old (legal drinking age in Germany), and I am 21. Our parents were recently invited to a birthday party of a relative, with only their names on the invitation.

Us kids didn't have time to go anyway, but if we did, I think we would have called the relative to ask if we were invited too.

I have been the child in situations like this and reading the "quelle horreur" reactions by many prior commenters is, I will admit, a little off-putting. Let me start off by saying that the invite *was* ambiguous. I know you don't think it was, but I'll be you're the person who always says the right thing with perfect tact, reasonableness, and meaning and it's everyone else who misunderstands. And please know that my mom and dad were feeling way more awkward than any of you all or your guests might have been.

I know that I ruined your carefully planned day by being both nine and present. I know that your carefully planned hors d'oeuvres platters had to be recalibrated to reflect my gigantic grade-school appetite and my total lack of self-control. And I'm sure that the reason all of your friends had a horrible time because I was in the corner eating carrot sticks and crackers. Apologies.

But really. Sometimes mistakes get made; sometimes invites get misread. And sometimes your ungracious reaction to the unexpected leaves an even greater impression on those who have been harshly labeled by previous commenters as "rude", "annoying", or people who 'don't understand etiquette' and their very impressionable progeny. I get it - you're hip, you're sophisticated, and you can't be bothered to have your awesome lifestyle upset by a tyke underfoot for what would be a maximum of 6 hours.

this drives me crazy!
significant other=spouse/date NOT kids!!!

we are childless and often throw cocktail hours and parties that start at 8 or after. we have only one friend couple with 2 kids under 3 and they both also assume they're invited. they show up and i'm left scrammbling to babyproof, find baby friendly cups & food, etc.

when i ask them NOT to bring their kids they act like i'm totally inconveniencing them... it's a tough situation to be put it

shoneyjoe - thank you.

Although I do think weddings are an exception since you need an exact head count. I think that would be a really easy call to make - Sorry, but no room.

That said, what's a wedding without kids running around? I had none at my wedding and I missed it.

But then I'm at the age where all my friends (except me) have kids. You get used to it pretty quickly.

can understand all that is being said. those are the times where hubby and i get to enjoy being and talking to adults! lol

I have a child and I would never just bring her to an adults only event. If I can't find a babysitter or whatever, I just bow out. Likewise, when I host an "adult" party, I do not expect to see kids there.

Having said that, I would never be rude to someone who brought their kids. And, also, in the past when I lived in an apartment and hosted parties in the building party room, I asked the grandparents to babysit and offered childcare services to all my friends with children in my apartment.

At my nephew's recent birthday party, held at a paintball place, the parents of the invited guests brought the guests' siblings without asking beforehand. We are talking about 10 uninvited kids. That was an unanticipated large expense. Next year, the party will be strictly "old-fashioned" cake-and-ice-cream, a few party games, done in two hours...sigh.

That said, those parents who bring along uninvited siblings are usally the same ones who bring all of their children to late-evening events and "adults-only" cocktail parties. I don't mind if the children in question are well-behaved and their parents keep a eye on them but that is seldom the case and my home is not child-proofed. I'm not "anti-child", I just don't need to add "babysitter" to my hostessing duties at a cocktail party.

Someone brought their kids to the NYE party I went to this year.. the kids were very well behaved and they didn't bother me one bit... but I do have to question what one earth the partents were thinking... it was really not a child friendly environment. We are all considerate... but after the drinks were flowing it's hard to say what swear words and dirty stories the kids might have heard. They were the only kids and we are all in our early to mid twenties; it wasn't a wild party, but everyone was doing shots, having fun etc...

When throwing my mother's surprise 50th birthday, I invited only adults. No children. Much to my dismay, my father needed to invite his boss, whom my mother is not too fond. He RSVP's that he and his 11 year old son. My father wouldn't tell his boss the kid was not invited, but I seriously was not happy. IT WAS AT A BAR!!!!!

Maybe they thought they could bring their kids because you said "significant others" (plural) still they are pretty stupid to bring kids to a party for adults to drink at.

Shoneyjoe, bravo.

I accidentally brought my 8-year old step son uninvited to a party, in this case, to my husband's friend's gathering. It happened like this: we got an invitation; the party was on "our weekend" to have our son. Matt decided he was going to ask if we could bring our son, so he asked his co-worker (the husband of the hostess), who said "fine." However, we arrived, only to find out that it was not fine. I felt guilty, rude, and embarrassed.

i went to a bridal shower one time, and it was borderline bachelorette party and people brought their children. I found it very strange, and would not want kids at mine..... call me selfish

My parents used to regularly refuse invitations to functions at their friend's homes because they had five children. According to my dad their friends would say no children allowed on the invites but someone would always bring a child to the parties. The reason for the "no children" policy was that some of these parties were Swinger parties. My parents weren't into that- no "Ice Storm" for them.

Now when I was 10,11,12 and I use to take care of my mom when she was wheelchair bound. So her friends knew that a child was going to be present if they invited my mom to their home. None of them ever had a problem with it. And after my mom died these adult friends of hers - my "aunts and uncles" are now my friends too.

But when they would invite me to parties and gatherings as an adult and I was caring for my young nephews, I would ask if I could bring them because my sister was working and her husband was in a wheelchair and not completely comfortable with caring for two boys alone. Because of my mom they were comfortable with two little kids at their adult parties but I often wasn't. Those folks got older and got rowdier as their own children left the nest.

For the most part in my family and among my friends and my sister's friends it's usually expected that if you invite the parent, you're inviting the child. So arrangements are made to have food especially for children and some sort of entertainment for children - breakables are put out of reach and doors to locked to rooms where no one should go. But people still ask if the can bring their children to whatever function - even though it's known that preparations have been made whether the child comes or not.

But people in our group usually ask anyway - as a courtesy.

As far putting the term "significant other" that's TOO VAGUE. Be specific or you may get a dog, cat, rat, small child, someone's grandma. You cannot dictate the person that your friend may consider to be a "significant other".

Personally, I do not take my boyfriend to parties with my younger friends. I take another male friend who is significant to me. I don't take the boyfriend because he's not comfortable with these friends, he's deaf and doesn't like the assumption that people make that he's a moron because he cannot hear, and he doesn't feel like trying to make other people comfortable with his deafness. Understood.

I take one of my gay male friends or one of my nephews.

If you only want bf/gf's or husband and wives to attend w/o their children or without anyone else then say so. And don't be surprised if they stop attending your functions.

Be more specific.

I've never had the kid problem myself (being 19), but I've had the Parent problem.

My last birthday party I said on the invite that parents are welcome to drop in, have a chat and a drink with my folks, as none of my friends parents do and it ends up being a pretty lousy time for my Mum and Dad. But the parents of one of my friends took that small invite a little too far, they stayed the entire time (8 hours) and my friends step-dad ended up falling asleep on our lounge, in the middle of dinner.

I was MORTIFIED!

This year it's laser tag, parents play at their own risk.

you 100% do not need to be more specific than "significant other" - that is TOTALLY understandable and means YOUR DATE...more specifically it means your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife....it doesn't even really mean "your gay best friend" or "your girlfriend from work"....people who think it is vague are crazy

and wackdoodle, your life sounds like a soap opera

I think etiquette is a dying art. People need to respect the wishes clearly stated in invitations, and when writing an invitation please be sure to be mindful of who you want attending. Many times an invitations comes to us as Mr. & Mrs. only, therefore, I get a babysitter only to be reamed for not bringing my daughter.. soo annoying.

I thought the invitation above was very clear and anyone who brings extra or unstated people are just plain rude.

a couple people did that at my moms wedding. The invites said "no children under 16" because we didnt want to have screaming children running around. But of course there ended up being 2 sets of parents who figured that their kids would be fine to bring.

Its so rude.

You have to understand that a significant other can be a child, parent, dog, whatever. Next time, do what my cousin did and explicitly write "Adults Only".

Nothing bothers me more than people bringing their kids to adult parties. It is selfish and disrespectful to everyone else. I have actually left parties because I felt uncomfortable drinking around a 5 years old. Come on. Some people are so brain dead

Nothing bothers me more than people bringing their kids to adult parties. It is selfish and disrespectful to everyone else. I have actually left parties because I felt uncomfortable drinking around a 5 years old. Come on. Some people are so brain dead

My sister's wedding invitations specifically asked that kids be left home. They wanted a small, intimate wedding & reception and had managed to keep the numbers down to family and close friends; most neighbors and friends' parents weren't invited; some of them asked whether invitations had been lost, but graciously accepted the numbers crunch.

Still, one of my sister's dearest school friends and her husband showed up not only with their 1.5-yr-old son, but also her parents! My parents and sister were gobsmacked.

At least the kid was well behaved and entertaining.

I don't feel that you should even have to say "No kids". It is basic etiquette that if you are unsure, ASK. When I didn't write dress code, people e-mailed me and asked. So why would people assume that extra people are allowed? My husband and I had a destination wedding and planned on throwing a small reception back home. The small reception became 100 people as my sister's friend's husband decided that he felt like coming, my other sister's boyfriend's parents' parents were "accidentally" invited by my sister, and my husband's sister's husband's parents were invited because she invited my parents to her wedding (my parents ended up going, but they were surprised because they thought it was a little far-reaching that they were invited and gave a very nice cash gift.) At any party, but especially a wedding, you have the right to make it all about you. Whether or not children run around is besides the point. If you don't want kids there, then they shouldn't be there. Sometimes people say, "You will understand when you have kids." Sorry, but it's one of the reasons that I currently don't have kids. Parents make sacrifices when they have children and get rewarded in other ways. So, they should be the ones to have to decide if this party is important, or if they'd like to sit it out.

Having said that, once people plan on coming, unless it's THAT stretching for you, or you really dislike the person, or have the kind of relationship where you can be honest and tell them no, then don't bother. It is not worth the $100 or whatever dollars to enforce it and get in a fight about it. If you are worried about offending, don't be. If someone slips a kid in, and you feel inclined to "defend" yourself, have someone spread the word that you didn't know. ie: "Poor Mary, she didn't plan on any kids and look how gracious she's being." Others will nod their head in agreement, and you will be in the clear.

My husband and I are hosting an engagement party for our son and future daughter in law. The invitations have gone out addressed to the adults only in the family. My nephew has called to say that he will be bringing his newborn baby and two little daughters.
Also, just received a RSVP from a guest that has said if she is unable to find a dog-sitter for her puppy she will be bringing her puppy to the party.
How can I tell these inconsiderate people in a nice way that their children and animals are not invited to an adult party?

MOG party giver - it's easy, you say, the invitations say adults only. Find a babysitter or do not attend. This is about your son and your future daughter in law, not about the people attending. If they are unable to respect the wishes of the host/hostess it is not your problem to accommodate for them. Your concern should be about accommodating for the people getting engaged! Congrats to them, by the way

Someone above spoke correctly etiquette IS a dying art. The #1 definition of significant other is: A person, such as a spouse or lover, with whom one shares a long-term sexual relationship. That is NOT a child and if you feel you must bring a child-- ask! I've friends with children and they ASK before they just bring them and if the host/hostess says the child cannot attend they make other arrangements for the child, or I've seen where one of the parents attend while the other bows out.

Perhaps you should have written, "Couples only"? Children certainly wouldn't come to mind if I read that. Or "Adults only"?

I'm looking for an answer for my predicament, actually, and in my surfing came up here. I have a party tomorrow for my husband, all friends that were at our wedding, 4 couples. The two couples that have kids had no problem when I gently asked if they could secure babysitters. Well, the sitter fell through for one couple and the last chance of these parents finding someone will be hours before the party, when the reply is expected to arrive. Looks like I'm gonna have 2 little girls over to an adult's birthday party. I feel awkward because the other couple with children will obviously see this when they arrive. I just wrote that couple explaining the situation and to please not kick me. I think it will be all fine, but I feel guilty because the parents whose kids are coming are.... my BEST FRIENDS!