Readers, I have a confession: sometimes I'm a failure in the kitchen. Take, for example, the picture below. My father recently watched Tyler Florence make the most delectable Spanish tapa where a raw egg is wrapped in jamon serrano, placed atop béchamel and toast, and baked in the oven. TyFlo made it look exceptionally easy.
However, when my dad and I went to recreate the dish, the ham wasn't strong enough to hold the eggs. The eggs rolled off the slippery white sauce and onto the baking sheet. After wasting eight eggs, we managed to get three nestled inside the ham. Then, when we removed the final product from the oven, the toast and eggs were stuck to the pan! Our breakfast was a complete disaster.
While we laughed it off, and managed to take a couple tasty bites of the mess, I got to thinking about failed recipes. Have you ever gone through a similar experience, where the recipe doesn't work? What recipe was it and how did you handle the situation?






Marc by Marc Jacobs
Biscuits. When I was just married, 12 years ago, I tried to make biscuits from scratch. I didn't read the directions well enough, and thought that you should beat the batter to death! WRONG!!! Instead of delicious fluffy buttermilk biscuits, I ended up with hard little hockey pucks! My husband reminds me of it to this day! ha ha ha
1FIRST MEAL FOR MY BOYFRIEND!!!
I totally messed it up!!! It was a combination of being nervous and being hungover lol. But yea, it was HORRIBLE! And I am a really good cook! He recently told me he thought for sure he picked a lady with ZERO cooking skills, but then I re-claimed my good cook status by making him homemade sheaperds pie lol! After that, he knew he lucked out with a lady who knew her way around the kitchen!
2Nothing fancy but my husband got it into his head that it would be this great treat for the kids to have deep-fried Mars bars because we don't normally have desserts. He talked about it all through the meal...we had seen it done on a show earlier that day (Chef at Home). Well, he'd been so excited while watching the show, and talked so much, I missed the part where Chef Michael Smith said that you needed a much lower heat than the french fries, he'd just made, needed. The oil was too hot, the batter was still uncooked when the chocolate bars clearly melted right down. A gooey, uncooked mess. They were like chocolate chip cookies taken out of the oven halfway through. the kids wouldnt' even eat the chocolate.
3well - it's not the most complex thing but when i was younger, my mom used to make icing for cakes from scratch and it was so good so one day my friend and i tried to make it and the recipe called for like 2 tbsp of milk and we used 2 cups - and that was a huge disaster.
4I have yet to get any Martha Stewart recipe to turn out well, even though the recipes are followed to the letter. My biggest MS failure to date...the Jacques Torres Chocolate Chip Cookies. Extremely dry, flour-y and rather tasteless even with all the chocolate. I soooo wanted those to be good. Even my coworkers weren't thrilled with those cookies, and they will eat ANYTHING sweet.
Perhaps her recipes are not proofread properly before they are published? Just a
"humble opinion."
5A lithuanian bread my grandfather used to make before he passed awy was my failure. It didn't rise the way his did and when it did in the end it did not taste the same at all.
6Oh gosh, most meat. I entered adulthood as a vegetarian and was one for 10 years. In my youth I did a turkey, cornish game hens and carne asasda pretty regularly. My first attempts at chicken, beef, and fish were disasters... too dry, etc. I ate them, and relished when they turned out well. I am much better with them now, but still don't cook that much meat in a typical week.
7Too many to tell, generally with baking...
8i have a few...when i was younger my sister and i tried to make chili and couldnt find chili powder so we used cayenne pepper instead! but it turned out well in the end, we just had to add a bunch of other stuff to dilute it down a little bit and we had a TON of leftovers. A couple years ago my boyfriend and I tried to make this potato tart thing with mushrooms and eggs, it actually ended up tasting ok but it looked AWFUL...all grey and sloppy looking. THEN last year I was craving brownies and my boyfriend is vegan, we didnt have internet at home at the time and I couldnt find a vegan brownie recipe in our cookbooks so I just tried to make one up and it didnt work at ALL. The batter tasted good, but when i put it in the oven...yeah. just a sloppy mess in the middle that was crunchy and inedible around the outside. Haha thats all I can think of for now but I'm sure there are more!
9My worst disaster is probably sweet potato soup from a few years ago. I think the recipe called for ham broth, and it gave directions on how to make it, but I had some ham in the fridge and I just boiled that in some water to make my own. Well. The broth was super-salty and ruined the soup. I tried to fix it but it was just inedible. Had to throw the whole thing out and it broke my heart!
10Oatmeal cookies the first time I tried them. Last words, "Baking powder and baking soda are the same thing right?" lol.
11ilanac13! I have a similar story! I was making chocolate frosting and instead of Tbs I put in Cups of cocoa powder! To salvage it I added a ton of milk and made the biggest batch of chocolate frosting you've ever seen! My roomates and I spent a week dipping everything in the house into the frosting just to use it up!
12Er, chocolate cheesecake. SO many things went wrong:
- Used more semi-sweet chocolate than the recipe called for, resulting in a bitter batter (and so called "cake")
- Didn't whisk egg whites enough or something, and the cake refused to set, resulting in a gloopy mess.
Had to throw the whole thing out, and it was meant for my sister on her birthday too.
13Egg dishes in the oven often go very very wrong. I tried this egg muffin recipe. Eggs, green onions, cheese. When it came out of the oven there was this weird, hard bubble-film.
14I don't make mistakes.
15My first meringue pie. Now I know that your egg whites should be ROOM TEMPERATURE before you whip.
And all my "make up in my mind" baking recipes have been disasters. Taste good, but not the right texture, consistency or look. Grr.
16Eggplant in sweet-sour sauce. I followed the recipe precisely, and the sweet-sour sauce turned into this seriously thick, extremely salty mess that just tasted flat out WRONG. I had to throw the whole batch out.
17Right when I began dating my fiancee, I wanted to impress him by making him authentic arroz con leche....DISASTER! I used the wrong kind of rice AND I did use enough liquid AND I used too much cinnamon....it ended up caramelized to the point of basically being burnt and really REALLY brown, not the creamy delicious white rice pudding it should have been. It's been three years and he still teases me about it!
18Don't let me begin with these cookies that I made at my friend Lisa's house. It started with one substitution, then another, then another...let's just say the cookies didn't exactly turn out the way the recipe intended for them to.
But I have to say my BIGGEST disaster EVER might have been the time I cooked for my guy in my small NYC apartment five years ago. I was quite the beginner cook back then, and I think the salmon I meant to "pan-fry" was more "deep-fried." The entire house smelled like fish for what seemed like days...
19Heh heh - CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES & BROWNIES.
The recipes for these two things are committed to my memory but somehow I seem to get ahead of myself and ALWAYS FORGET THE EGGS & LEAVENER.
Luckily right before I put these thing in the oven I double check by looking for the dish with the leavener (is it empty?) and I look for the eggshells. If I cannot find these things then I f-d up AGAIN and I quickly put everything back in the mixing bowl and correct the error.
But this happens 9 out of 10 times that I bake these two things.
20Somehow, that photo still makes me hungry!
21I tried to make homemade fish and chips, totally overfilled the pot with oil, it spilled over, I got burned, and I set the stove on fire. Oh, happy memories. Hahahaha!
22Custards. The mixing and the stovetop part went well, it was the baking. Recipe said put the mixture in custard cups, place in a baking dish, and fill baking dish with water.
Well, the custard cups mum loaned me were glass and not rated for the oven. So I threw all the mixture in a smaller baking dish and skipped the water.
Yup, that didn't turn out as planned. Apparently the baking in water is a vital step.
23I think baking always ends up with the most disasters. And it's always the most expensive too with all the equipment and ingredients needed. I tried making the french macaron, super time consuming and it was a complete failure. I haven't attempted the macaron since.
24I think baking always ends up with the most disasters. And it's always the most expensive too with all the equipment and ingredients needed. I tried making the french macaron, super time consuming and it was a complete failure. I haven't attempted the macaron since.
25Scones of any type for me. I absolutely adore pumpkin scones and I have failed every time I try to make them. Which drives me nuts because they're supposed to be one of the simplest, quickest things to make in about 15mins from start to finish. I follow the recipes to a tee (there are so many variations out there but I have tried them all) and the mix comes out too wet whereby I need to totally douse in flour just so I can cut out and handle the scone rounds to place on the baking tray. Then after baking them, the end result is always a dry, floury, rock hard scone. Nothing like the slightly moist, soft, fluffy risen scone that I should have
26Recently, bacon wrapped (and almond stuffed) dates. I knew the temp in the recipe was too high but followed it anyways. Bad, bad idea. Burned bacon, sugary burnt bottoms of dates and smoke everywhere. Next time, 375 max.
27my boyfriend and I once tried to make gnocchi and it was a total disaster! We followed Giada's recipe and even though she made it look easy, the consistency of our gnocchi was off and it ended up as too thick mashed potatoes. Yuck! From now on, I'll let the pros make my gnocchi!
28The first time I made buttercream. Ehhhhh, I threw it all away! It was super grainy and baaad. Now though, I dont even measure a thing and everything I make turns out great! Italian buttercream, pastry, biscuits/scones... anything! Not gonna lie, that buttercream disaster will haunt me for a while, not to mention the $$$ I lost on all my organic ingredients
29I made this tomato soup once, and I used the wrong tomatoes, and they weren't quite ripe enough either.. it was terrible.
Also one time I tried to make soda bread, lets just say I was the only one chewing on that stuff the BF wouldn't touch it.
30Two recipes really stick out in my mind.
First one: Ok, I was 10 and I wanted to make sugar cookies with my sis and the neighbor girl (who was 13). We were reading the recipe and it said 3/4 tsp baking soda. Well, the neighbor girl read it to me as 3/4 CUPS of baking soda. We tried the batter and it was disgusting...salty and chalky and nasty. I think we thought if we baked them, they'd be better. Well, aside from puffing up a LOT in the oven, they still tasted disgusting. We gave them to our dog and she promptly threw up. So those were a big flop.
Second one: I was baking a pumpkin cheesecake for a guy I really wanted to impress. We weren't dating yet, but he came over to my parents' house for coffee on the day after Thanksgiving. I followed the recipe to the T and it looked amazing. However, the recipe said to bake it for 40 minutes. So I baked it that long, even though the cheesecake was really thick. I didn't bother to test it when I pulled it out of the oven and when I cut it, most of the middle was still VERY raw. I was mortified, but I was able to pour the entire cheesecake into an 8x13 pan and put it back in the oven to make crustless cheesecake bars...now I ALWAYS check my food when I pull it out of the oven!
31Well... I'm spanish and I had never seen that tapa... something similar maybe... like fried quail eggs with spicy chorizo or jamón over bread. Tapas need to be fast to prepare so rarely are baked. I guess this must be some kind of intepretation
32Don't bake while under the influence. ha
I took a muscle relaxer and went to bake some brownies at like 1am a few weeks ago. I completely forgot the 2 cups of sugar, they were salt bricks lmfao
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