1. Lay out everything on date one: what I'm looking for, and where I want to be.
2. No sex unless I hear the words "I love you."
3. Kissing is OK, but fondling isn't.
4. No communication for more than 2 weeks; it's over.
5. Flirting is what I love to do . . . Doesn't always leads to sex.
6. Acceptance is the key and must be honest.
7. Never talk about my exes.
8. Even if a date may not turn into relationship, encourage the idea of friendship.
9. Demand to be treated with respect.
10. Remind them to step up or ship out.
Do you treat yourself as well as you treat your friends and family? A growing area of psychological research called self-compassion suggests that giving our selves a break and accepting our imperfections can lead to better health and can help beat depression and anxiety. It turns out, people who find it easy to be supportive and understanding of others tend to score quite low on self-compassion tests, putting themselves down for their own perceived failures like being over weight and not exercising.
Self-compassion is not to be confused with self-indulgence, notes Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field. It may seem obvious to be kind to yourself, but Neff, an associate professor of human development at the University of Texas at Austin, told The New York Times, “[People] believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be.” She uses the example of a parent whose child is doing poorly in school. Most parents would offer support, such as a tutor. But when adults find themselves in a similar situation — struggling at work or eating too much junk food--they fall into a cycle of negativity and self-criticism. “The problem is that it’s hard to unlearn habits of a lifetime,” Neff said. “People have to actively and consciously develop the habit of self-compassion.”
Could self-compassion lead to life-satisfaction? Try turning around your thinking of self-deprecation and deprivation and imagine how you would treat a small child who loved very much. How would you support them and help them feel better and be healthier? How can you be kind to yourself in this moment?
This is just sad, sad, sad.
According to a survey conducted by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and the National Center for Transgender Equality, 41 percent of transgendered people have attempted to end their lives. What's the national suicide attempt average? A paltry (in comparison) 1.6 percent.
The survey reports that, in general, trans people have experienced overwhelming amounts of discrimination due to their gender identification. 47 percent say that they have been fired, not hired, or not promoted for jobs because of their identification, while 29 percent report being mistreated by police. For those who identified as trans in their adolescence (up through twelfth grade), 78 percent report that they faced harassment at school. It's even more depressing that the harassment doesn't seem to get much better post-high school.
In the wake of the media flurry a few months ago surrounding the suicides of various gay teens, I think we may have forgotten that transgendered people also face this problem to a striking degree, with their own set of associated problems. And maybe this Valentine's Day, we can all cast a little love in that direction.
Remember that saying, "first the worst, second the best..." — just how true is that when it comes to our love lives?
It's not always a good thing to have a particular type because effectively you're shunning a large percentage of men who might be perfectly suitable. But the reality of this is that some women — myself included — are picky. Not in a "I know I can get any man so I get the liberty of choosing and dismissing" way, but more of a "I know what I like, so why sacrifice that?"
Some may call me shallow for admitting this, but physical appearance is important to me just as much as personality. There's no 30/70 or 40/60. It's 50/50 straight down the middle.
There are times when females will be in a situation where a guy comes along with a personality that you click with, but only on a friendship level. You're not exactly attracted physically, so should you write him off? Or pursue something with the hope that you'll eventually find an attraction? I think we all know what I always do.
It's very easy to assume the qualities that make a man or woman marriage material. Characteristics such as trust, understanding and a good personality might be on the top of our lists but when it boils down to it, it seems that there are very different traits to look out for.
For the ladies:
According to ehow.com, you should look for elements of sensitivity and reliability. If he's attentive and displays thoughtful gestures, then he's worth considering as he has a natural caring nature.
Is he a hard worker? If he strikes a balance between working hard and enjoying time out, then you have someone whose "hard work is often motivated by the drive to build a foundation for, and ultimately help to provide for, a family."
A classic indicator is if he looks to the future with you in mind. Discussing the long-term future is a big deal in itself so if he keeps you in mind along the way, it is a definite thumbs up.
To see what My DISFunkshion thinks men look out for, keep reading the post. Want to see more? Start following My DISFunkshion or start your own OnSugar blog. Maybe your stories will be posted here on TrèsSugar!
Gentle readers, have you ever found yourself playing email tag with an awesomely awesome person online for days, and then weeks, and then . . . nothing? They pretty much fall off the face of the earth as far you're concerned?
Well, recently, well, really a few weeks ago, I found myself in a similar situation. Except, the email tagging lasted for one night, for we then switched to Gmail chat, and then the phone — all in the same evening. In fact, we found ourselves talking on the phone for an average of two hours nightly for about three weeks. And then . . . nothing.
The nothingness followed shortly after my inquiries of actually meeting in person. Because that's how the process works, right? You talk — feel one another out to see if you even feel like being bothered by this person, and if you do, you make plans to meet for coffee or drinks or something similar. Well, that's how it's supposed to, but lately, I, like others, have found that this may not be the intention of some people.
Then what is? Read the rest on Perpetually Single.
I received an email last night from someone that claims to have a tantric massage company in Old Town, Alexandria, Va.:
"A good friend of yours (she asked to remain anonymous, for now) has paid for you to receive a full body tantric massage during a tantra session with me in Old Town Alexandria.
Tantra sessions are very soothing, relaxing and will have you floating on clouds when it's over. During your session you'll be coached on breathing, concentration, and sounding. Tantra sessions, on average, usually go for about two to three hours."
And now, this massage person is IMing me, trying to get me to schedule my appointment. Uhh, no thank you.
Here's a post from OnSugar blog Rantings of a Single Girl.
I had a wonderful vacation. Wonderful. It was so great to see my best friend again and meet my nephew. We had a great time just hanging out and catching up. Getting to cuddle with the baby was a great stress reliever as well. It was so hard to leave and come home.
When I got home, I can't tell you how badly my heart ached. My house felt so empty. Sure, Devil Cat was happily waiting on me, but it feels so void of life. At my friend's house there were people coming by to celebrate the baby. He was screaming, crying, cooing. A family was in that home. My home is missing all that.
If you're planning a romantic escape to Britian this winter, you can skip the oysters (and other aphrodisiac foods) at the grocery store — and head straight to the medicine aisle.
UK supermarket chain Tesco plans to sell OTC Viagra pills, starting next week, at half the prescription price in 300 of its stores.
To get the Viagra, men 40 to 65 will be required to see a pharmacist, provide a brief medical history, and have their blood pressure, cholesterol levels tested.
The price? These little blue pills will cost lovestruck Brits £52 per packet, which converts to about $81 — or about 10 bucks each.
About the same price as an arrangement of flowers. (Also available at Tesco.)
The Help had been suggested by several people for me to read, but I just hadn't picked it up yet. So when y'all started suggesting it for the Book Club, I decided that would be my next pick. After reading the book in 2 days, I'm so happy that it was suggested.
I can't even begin to tell you how much this book hit home with me. At first I thought Stockett wouldn't have any idea about what she's writing about. I've found most authors who try to write about the South and racial struggles (who aren't from the South) can't do it. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that Stockett was born and raised in Jackson, MS. Even if I didn't know she was, I would have been able to tell from her writing. The beauty of how she described Mississippi was so wonderful to read.
While I wasn't around in 1960s Mississippi, my father was. I can still hear his stories about the desegregation of schools and so on. I can still hear the anger in his voice when he talks about those times . . . and unfortunately that anger is a racial anger. He was raised to believe that people of color were not equal to him. My grandparents taught him that black people were quite literally the help.
Read the rest here.
Have you heard about this new online magazine for same sex couples? I think it's about time! I don't know any same sex couples getting ready to tie the knot, but I would let them know about this new mag if I did! What do you think about Equally Wed?
I was thinking the other day about what attracted me to all the friends I have made over the years. While many of them possess very different character traits, I can honestly say that my friends all greatly represent the values that I believe to be outstanding and respectable in all individuals that I come into contact with. I know that statement might come across as hokey or trite, but at heart, my friends really are very similar to one another in the fact that they are all compassionate, open individuals that seem to effortlessly draw people in their lives.
Many of us are attracted to these types of people who are honest and friendly enough to really let you into their lives and include you even when you don’t know them very well. There are personality traits that every single one of us can point to and say “Yeah, that’s why I love having that person in my life."
- Friendly/Open: Let’s face it – if your friend lacks this trait, it can be very hard to draw him/her into your life and keep them there. It’s simply the difference of being able to form a real connection with a person and just having a casual acquaintance who you try to avoid seeing whenever you run into them.
- Trustworthy: What if you confided a major secret in your newfound “friend” and they babbled to everyone and their mother about your personal life? Seems like high school antics? Well it still continues into adulthood and beyond. Find a friend who has enough judgment and respect for you to realize when something is to be kept between just the two of you.
- Intelligent: Your friend doesn’t need to have graduated from Harvard or Yale to be considered a great friend (evidently – at least for most of the population). You should have a friend with a good head on his/her shoulders who has a reasonable amount of commonsense (even though friends lacking commonsense can be interesting, unpredictable companions). Also, book smart folks and people who are just generally knowledgeable about random facts and world happenings can provide great conversations, so keep them on your friend roster, too.
- Creative: I personally have always loved people who are “into” things that the typical person doesn’t spend much of their time interested in. I have a friend who loves reconstructing maps and another who spends her time as a graphic designer on a magazine as a side job. These people will hopefully inspire you to be as creative and forward-thinking as they naturally are.
Read the rest below
Let’s face it — it takes a really big person to open up their heart and forgive.
But being stuck at a crossroads with our mind giving the green light to sweet revenge and the red light to a daunting path of forgiveness is not the answer.
Forgiveness is the decision and process of letting go of resentment. As women, we tend to have an instinct to plot revenge, where we are motivated to let the person who hurt us feel the pain that they have put us through. Women, (raised with sugar and spice and everything nice) usually concoct well thought-out plots; thereby, making a woman’s revenge that more dangerous than her male counterpart, since a guy’s notion of revenge entails using physical means.
Nevertheless, the emotionally excruciating wounds we’re left with after being betrayed or let down can take a toll on our health.
I read the other day that 20% of men under the age of 29 would insist on a prenup before tying the knot. Now how many men that 20% makes up, I have no idea... but that's not the point of today's post. The point is prenups in general.
I can understand the point of a prenup. I mean, it's all about protecting your assests. But I don't really see the point in one unless you have enough assets to protect. If I made a million bucks a year? Sure. I'd possibly require a prenup. With what I make now and the assets I have now? No. I just couldn't see it happening.
I guess I see a prenup as a downer. It's almost like saying you expect your marriage to fail, so you are putting stop gaps in place. It also takes the romance out of it a little. "Here honey. Please sign agreeing that you won't take all my sh*t if our marriage goes belly up. Oh, and by the way, if you happen to give me a baby boy in the process, I'll throw in an extra $100,000 for you." I'm just not seeing that as a good precurser to a marriage.
But what do I know? I'm not married. I'm not getting married anytime soon. And like I said, I don't feel I have assets that are in need of that kind of protection. If I win the lottery in the next few years, I might just change my mind. But what do you think about prenups?
A do or don't?
Society has finally taken notice, once again, of the charm socially inept men bring to the silver screen. Perhaps you haven’t noticed but this is a rebirth . . . a rebirth of the dorks.
A dork is commonly described as an individual who has difficulty interacting in social situations. It is finally becoming apparent to the masses that the most charming leading men may also be the most awkward.
Have you noticed them cropping up everywhere? Michael Cera, as the awkward but polite Evan in Superbad, Jay Baruchel as the inexplicably nice but scrawny Kirk in She’s Out of My League, and Zachary Levi as the adorably genuine Chuck on Chuck.
The last time I saw a feeding frenzy this substantial was when Patrick Dempsey was in Can’t Buy Me Love. His lanky body and unkempt curls made him the cute and approachable dork he always played; eventually he dropped off the radar until he became a pivotal hunk in Sweet Home Alabama and McDreamy in Grey’s Anatomy.
It stands to reason that the dorks of today are the leading men of tomorrow. Perhaps men don’t have to be suave and stylish to be society’s leading men, maybe they just have to be themselves. And maybe if we’re lucky, we’ll find our own endearingly awkward guy to be the leading man in our lives.
Here's a post from OnSugar blog Rantings of a Single Girl.
I've always been nervous about bringing guys home to meet the parents. I'd never be able to date and certainly not marry someone that they don't approve of. Okay, never say never, but the odds are pretty good that I wouldn't be able to. I've heard/know of too many people who have in-law horror stories. I wouldn't want any strong animosity between my husband and my parents or me with his parents.
Plus I respect my parents. Their opinion does matter . . . to an extent.
The other reason I'm not always thrilled about taking a guy home is that my dad is freaking scary when it comes to picking out personalities. Any guy I've brought home that he said wasn't good for me, wasn't. And I just don't want to hear that a guy I really like enough to bring home isn't good enough according to my dad. I'm not talking the "no man will ever be good enough for my baby girl" rubbish. I'm talking the my dad gives me a look, pulls me to the side, and says, "He's no good for you."
All the scary meet the parents stuff aside, when is a good time to take a someone home? When you are comfortable with him? Is there a time frame? Obviously a week is a little soon. And I'd think that a year is too long. Six months? Do you count from when you started dating? Or when you became serious? Or when you first kissed? Or maybe even when you first had sex? And last but not least, do you just wait until your significant other starts complaining that you haven't taken them home yet?
When do you take them home to meet the parents?
I need you to need me.
Story of my life, I swear to God. Finally meet a good, kind, cute, STRAIGHT man and WHAM! Out of the woodwork come crawling ten more.
It's like reverse Karma. Everything you've ever wanted will come to you . . . after you've already decided on something else. And I know, I know, it has nothing to do with King. I love him and his crazy ass. It's me. I'm obsessed with the Honeymoon period. Once the glitz and glamma runs out of a relationship, I go running to someone else.
I'm a weenie.
There, I said it. I admit it. Once I have to REALLY give and REALLY care and REALLY be there, and not just because I have a cute outfit on, sh*t starts to feel claustrophobic and I start to get running. Immature, childish, cowardly — go ahead, pile it on, I can take it. Because here I am again, flirting with strangers.
Get the rest after the jump.
Kissing is a universal language that needs no translation. It’s sexual, romantic, and . . . good for your health!
It's a bonding behavior that elicits a complete band of physiological processes that not only boosts our self-esteem but also our immunity. It’s a great way to connect with our partners, and, it also helps your state of mind.
Below are 5 health benefits of kissing.
- Kissing Diet: Kissing regularly can actually tone our cheek and jaw muscles. We burn at least 1-2 calories a minute during a kiss, using more than 30 facial muscles, which keeps us looking younger, and definitely happier!
- Relieves Stress: Passionate kissing stimulates the brain by relieving tension (lowering your stress hormone, cortisol) and producing a sense of well being, by increasing your oxytocin, a calming hormone that converts into euphoria.
- Boosts Immune System: Sharing germs with someone adds to your internal defense system. Saliva contains some potent proteins and bacteria that make a natural antiseptic, where the extra saliva washes bacteria off your teeth and reduces plaque, gingivitis and tooth decay — Bye, bye cavities!
- Blood Circulation: Kissing generates an adrenaline that makes your heart race, causing your heart to circulate more blood around your body, stabilizing your cardiovascular activity for healthier, glowing you!
- Finds the One: They say that a woman can tell if a relationship will work right after that first kiss; that’s because kissing someone releases a hormone known as pheromones, which conjures sexual attraction. Don't worry gals; prince charming is just a smooch away, that is, if your pheromones are on the same wavelength.
Here's a post from OnSugar blog Rantings of a Single Girl.
At work, we are a pretty close unit. Lately, one of my coworkers has been going through a very, very hard time. So the solution that everyone else has come up with is a daily prayer circle. Which makes me uncomfortable.
It's not the prayer circle itself. I think it's wonderful that I work with people who care enough about each other that we try to lift each other up when we can. It's just, I feel out place in the prayer circle. I've mention before that my beliefs on God and so on are a bit rocky at this point in my life. Everyone else in my work group are steadfast Christians.
Like steadfast, come-to-Jesus-now, Bible-Belt-raised, nothing-else-is-acceptable Christians. And there is nothing wrong with that. I wish I could be as steadfast in my faith. Yet no one at work knows how I sit on the fence when it comes to religion and faith. (I've generally found that keeping that fact to myself in certain circles is better for all involved.) So naturally, I am expected to be a part of the prayer circle.
Get the rest after the jump.
Do you think it's worth keeping a relationship through the summer, or are you more into the whole summer fling thing.
It seems like most of the long standing relationships in my school have been ending as we ease into summer vacation. I think that most people like the idea of steamy summer hookups, and chasing cuties on vacations. I mean, who doesn't. But I wonder if people are ending good things for the sake of flings.
Most of my friends are single and constantly looking for guys, and sometimes it can be hard when you're the only one who chose to keep a good boyfriend around. Sometimes I'm jealous of their freedom. And if you're single, why not, there's something so fun about meeting new cuties and seeing where things will go. But I decided, personally, having someone to hold when I need him is more important than using and getting used. But that's just me.
The pros of staying with my boyfriend seem to outweigh the cons. Even though I won't be single this summer, there'll still be times for beach hookups and late night skinny dipping seshes. Just with my guy.
So what about you? Summer flings or a steady thing?