the knot

Advice

5 Ways Facebook Can Ruin Your Wedding

We're happy to present this story from one of our favorite sites, The Knot.

We're happy to present this story from one of our favorite sites, The Knot. Avoiding social media pitfalls in regards to your wedding can be tricky. Here are five things to look out for!

Facebook has changed the way you plan your wedding. Here are five common social mishaps and how to avoid them from the moment you say "yes."

Related: Comebacks to the rudest wedding questions

1. Someone in your family found out on Facebook.
As soon as you change your status (woot!), there's a family member or friend who's mad they didn't get the announcement via phone.
Our advice: Before you officially change your Facebook status, call your immediate family and closest friends with the news. Other friends and not-so-close relatives might appreciate a heartfelt email with the good news and your engagement story.

Related: 10 worst real wedding nightmares

2. A so-called friend left a snarky comment on your Facebook wall about your ring photos.
Those ring photos that you posted in post engagement bliss? Apparently, a sapphire is "just not their style."
Our advice: Take the high road and ignore the comment. This would be the perfect time to clean closet and hide this person from your feed. (PS: We think sapphires are stunning.)

Related: 10 ways to ruin a wedding

3. People assume they're invited to your wedding because you're Facebook friends.
For some, it's hard to draw the line between friend and Facebook friend. Those who aren't invited will inevitably post on your wall about their wedding invitation that's lost in the mail.
Our advice: Refrain from sharing every detail of your wedding on Facebook. If (and when) you get the self-invited guest post on your wall, let them know that your venue and budget can only allow for a certain number of guests. (Hint: It's not them.)

Related: 25 unusual honeymoon hot spots

4. Some think that Facebook is the new RSVP card.
It's hard to believe but we've heard of more than one couple who's received a casual, "We'll be there. And so will our four-plus guests," Facebook message.
Our advice: Respond by asking them to return their card (that one with the stamp). This would also be the perfect time to politely inform them that you've reserved two seats in their honor and can't wait to party together on your wedding day.

Related: Secrets to a fun wedding reception

5. Facebook has made prewedding party privacy a thing of the past.
The bridal shower photos that were posted by your maid of honor might have a third cousin peeved because she didn't get an invite. And those bachelorette pics from your not-so-innocent Vegas trip gave everyone from your office a good laugh.
Our advice: Everyone loves sharing photos from wedding events — you'll have tons of fun ones throughout your engagement. Create a wedding group on Facebook from the beginning to avoid hurt feelings and oversharing.

— The Editors of TheKnot.com

Advice

The Only Wedding Gift Guide You'll Ever Need

We're happy to present this story from one of our favorite sites, The Knot.

We're happy to present this story from one of our favorite sites, The Knot. Stuck on what to give the brides- and grooms-to-be in your life? Here's some advice!

Whether it's for a cousin, coworker, or close friend, here are the only six tips you need to know about giving great wedding gifts.

Related: 10 Ways to Ruin a Wedding

Respect the Registry
Though your first instinct might be to go rogue (hey, everybody wants to be unique), we suggest thinking twice before shopping outside of the registry. Think of it as a (very long) letter to Santa. When you were a kid, were you hoping to be surprised? No way! You were hoping to get the things on your wish list. Well, that's exactly how the bride and groom feel about the list they spent hours putting together. Sure, if you're crazy-close with the bride or groom and have a great out-of-the-box idea you know they'll love, then by all means, go for it. Not positive? Better make friends with good-old Reg.

Related: 10 Wacky Wedding Cakes

Adjust Your Attitude
When it comes time to shop, it can be a bit difficult to get excited about buying, say . . . a toaster. But guess what? That's an item that's likely to get used every single day. The same goes for a place setting of flatware. Sexy? Not really. Sure to be appreciated? You bet. Take a second to think about the items you couldn't live without in your own home (think: your buttery-soft sheets, or that killer coffeemaker) and let that guide your gifting. Suddenly, buying a household basic will feel far less impersonal and, well . . . basic.

Related: Celebrity Engagement Ring Look-Alikes

Combine Forces
Wish your gift could make a bigger splash, but don't have the dough to make it happen solo? If you've got friends or family heading to the same wedding, consider going in on a registry dream item. Think big: A group of three or four guests could go in on a great grill — while a whole family could give something major, like a refrigerator.

Related: 10 Most Outrageous Wedding Photos

Cash Is Cool
Wondering if it's proper to send moola as a present? Not only does it pass the etiquette smell test, but with more and more couples financing their own nuptials, it's bound to be met with smiles. Rule of thumb: Send a check in advance of the ceremony, so you won't have to worry about possible name changes.

Related: 12 Most Embarrassing Real Wedding Moments

Shop and Ship
These days, many brides and grooms tie the knot far from home, and the logistics of hauling back a big pile of loot after the wedding can be daunting (not to mention expensive). Do the couple-to-be a solid by having presents delivered directly to their residence (if they aren't already roomies, have it sent to the home of the bride). Ready for another hot tip? Provided the bride has registered there, most stores will wrap and ship the gift for you. Can you say painless?

Don't Dawdle
That one-year rule? We're not really feeling it. While etiquette once dictated that guests had a full year postwedding to gift the happy couple, the reality is, anything beyond six months is likely to seem rude. If you're slammed with multiple weddings this season and need to stagger your gift buying (is that your wallet we hear, begging for a time-out?), feel free to space out your purchases by a month or two. But we vote for giving a smaller, more affordable gift on time.

— Hallie Goodman

Advice

9 Things He's Thinking About the Wedding

We're happy to present this story from one of our favorite sites, The Knot.

We're happy to present this story from one of our favorite sites, The Knot. Wish you could read his mind? You don't have to — here's what he thinks about the wedding.

We're not selling grooms short: there are a lot of guys who count "expressing my feelings" as a forte and who are engaged in the drama of a seating chart. Communication is a cornerstone of any good relationship, but the high tension, strange customs, and unfamiliar etiquette that come with planning a wedding can leave some guys speechless and many brides aggravated. Here's what he really wants you to know, and how to handle it, without even having to ask.

Related: 50 Must-Have Wedding Photos

1. "You have to tell me what I'm responsible for."
You might expect him to plan the honeymoon, and might hope for a present on the morning of the wedding, but does he know what a groom traditionally takes care of? Unless he's been sneaking a peek at your bridal magazines, he might be totally unaware that he has any responsibilities after he proposes. And if he's among the first of his friends to get married, he probably doesn't have anyone dishing these valuable tips to him.

Relationship Rx: Telling your groom what you expect of him is not poor etiquette — it's necessary, and he'll welcome the guidance. If you're not comfortable filling him in on some of the details (like the bride's gift, for example), ask one of your bridesmaids to bring it up so that he gets the hint (and so you don't get mad).

Related: Secrets to a Fun Wedding Reception

2. "I have no idea what napkins will go best with our linens, but that does not mean I don't care."
You mention how you'd like your bouquet to match his boutonniere, and his eyes glaze over. You show him a motif you're going to add to all your stationery, and he responds with a shrug. It's tempting to interpret reactions like these as disinterest in your wedding (and, in turn, your relationship), but don't be so quick to pounce.

Relationship Rx: Even if your groom doesn't have strong feelings about the decor, he wants the wedding to look good just as much as you do. His mild interest in the details doesn't mean he doesn't care about the wedding — it means he trusts your tastes. Ask him specific questions like "Which flower do you like better?" and you're more likely to get a direct response.

Related: 10 Most Outrageous Wedding Photos

3. "I want you to look like you."
Every bride wants to look her best for her wedding, but some risk changing their style too dramatically with heavy makeup, big hair, and too many accessories.

Relationship Rx: While there's nothing wrong with getting glamorous for your wedding, your groom doesn't want you to change your look so much that he doesn't recognize the girl who's walking down the aisle. He fell in love with you seeing you every day, so remind him of that with hair and makeup styles that are distinctly you.

Related: 10 Ways to Ruin a Wedding

4. "My friends aren't D-class citizens."
Just because you might not like one (or a few) of his friends, doesn't mean you can seat them in Siberia during the reception. If you stick a table of his buddies in a corner while your friends have a prime spot near the dance floor, they will notice, and they'll probably wonder why they got the short end of the seating chart.

Relationship Rx: Make a game plan for your reception seating that follows logic more than favoritism. Give close family and attendants the best seats in the house, and arrange tables from there. If you have to put a group of his friends toward the back, show there's no ill will by seating your friends in a similar position.

Related: 19 Problems Every Bride Deals With

5. "Don't ask for my opinion if you don't really want to hear it."
With so many tough planning decisions to be made, it's natural to second-guess yourself and seek out your groom's opinion. And that's fine, but not if you're asking him only to reinforce something you've basically already decided. If he tells you his thoughts (the ones that disagree with you), your response shouldn't be along the lines of "Are you serious?"

Relationship Rx: Turn to him when you're really torn about a choice, and he'll gladly give his input. When you know exactly what you want, however, go with your gut rather than put him in a position to pick an option you would never really consider.

6. "Let me decide which parts I want to be involved in — then maybe I'll do more!"
Getting your groom to attend the cake-tasting is a cinch. And he'll probably be up for choosing your playlist. But shove a binder of sample invites in front of him, and he'll be thinking of nothing other than an exit strategy.

Relationship Rx: Your powers of persuasion may be exceptional, but wedding planning is a whole new terrain. Involve him in the details you know he'll enjoy, but don't force it or his instinct might be to resist. Instead, let him know about some of the less-interesting tasks piled on your plate, and he'll be more willing to offer his assistance if he sees you're stressed.

7. "I'm not wearing a sailboat bow tie."
Dreaming of a perfectly coordinated wedding party? Think he'd look handsome in a classic, full-dress tailcoat tux? Make suggestions about the formalwear, but let him choose his own attire. You don't want to look at your photos years later and see him cringe at his white linen wedding suit (that was your pick, naturally).

Relationship Rx: Although your fashion sense might be on point, what matters most is that he's comfortable in his formalwear. Just like you wouldn't want to wear a gown you consider unflattering, he shouldn't wear an outfit that he feels doesn't fit right.

8. "Don't give me a curfew the night before the wedding."
The rehearsal dinner often segues into a late-night party. If he's having a great time, you're liable to put a damper on things if you insist he turn in before midnight.

Relationship Rx: Despite what he does the night before, you can rest assured he'll show up for the wedding . . . and that he'll arrive on time. If you're really concerned, ask his most responsible groomsman to keep an eye on him, and to remind him that he wouldn't want to endure the wedding day with a hangover.

9. "The bachelor party is off limits."
You've had a hand in every aspect of planning the wedding — so why shouldn't you have a say in his night out with the guys? We know of many a bride who has suggested a particular cigar bar or offered up her parents' vacation home for the festivities.

Relationship Rx: Be careful how you tread when it comes to his bachelor party — though it may seem like an immature tradition to you, for some guys it's practically sacred. To give suggestions, let alone put boundaries on the party, implies that you don't trust him, which is a shaky way to start a marriage. By showing him that you trust him completely, he'll be reminded again why you're the perfect bride.

— Miles Stiverson

Wedding

5 Conversations to Have Before Getting Married

We're happy to present this story from one of our favorite sites, The Knot.

We're happy to present this story from one of our favorite sites, The Knot.

Maybe you're in premarital counseling right now, or maybe it's the last thing on your mind. Either way, you already know there are a few touchy issues engaged couples are "supposed" to talk about before making it official. Well, we asked a few seasoned couples therapists to tell it to us straight. They mapped out the tough talks to have with your soon-to-be spouse before heading down the aisle, so consider this your guide to counseling yourselves.

Related: 10 things no one tells you about getting engaged

1. You should talk about: Kids
If it hasn't already come up, now's the time to discuss whether you want children. But here's the surprising thing: You shouldn't stop there. Our experts agreed that it's important to discuss where you each stand on the issues that'll crop up once you start trying to have kids and when the tykes are actually around. "Are you open to adoption if it's necessary?" asks Rebecca Hendrix, a licensed marriage and family therapist in New York. And once you have kids, "How should they be disciplined when they disobey?" asks Vivian Jacobs, a licensed marriage and family therapist in New York. Issues like these can become knock-down, drag-out fights later on, so it's better to discuss them now.

But it's okay to disagree on: How many kids you think you want right now. "Once a couple has their first kid, they'll have a better idea of how many children they really want," says Jaclyn Bronstein, a licensed mental health counselor in New York. Right now, the number isn't as important, Jacobs explains, "as long as you agree on a timetable — how many years you want to wait before having children."

Related: 10 wedding rules you can break

2. You should talk about: Money and your careers
One of the biggest things married couples fight about is finances, so talk now to skirt arguments later, Bronstein says. Decide whether you'll pool all your money or keep separate accounts, and determine which accounts you'll draw from for everyday expenses and for big investments. And if one of you is a spender and the other is a saver, choose amounts to set aside for the future and for personal spending that you'll both be satisfied with. "No one has the right answer to what your money strategy should be," Jacobs says. "You just have to live within your budget, figure out what works for you, and be reasonable and communicate." On the same note, talk about your career plans. Where do you want to be in five years? How do you see your 9-to-5 — and your salary — evolving over your lifetime? Getting both your expectations in line with reality will cut down on money-related arguments later, Jacobs says.

But it's okay to disagree on: How many hours you should be pulling at work right now. "If someone has a busy job and works 12- or 14-hour days, that might be a big issue at the beginning of a marriage," Bronstein says. "But maybe they agree that getting financially stable is more important in the long run." That's a trade-off that works, she says.

Related: 9 things your groom wants you to know

3. You should talk about: Religion and values
Our counselors all brought up faith and moral values — they might not seem like a big deal now, but religion and morals play a bigger role in marriage than some couples expect. "For a lot of people, fights happen when the other person turns out to be more religious than they thought," says Bronstein. Adds Jacobs, "You might go into marriage not caring, but the problems start as the children arrive and you're deciding how to raise them." So talk about your faith, and how you see it affecting your shared life, right now.

But it's okay to disagree on: Issues with your in-laws. Those family matters are common hiccups in any marriage and they're survivable. For example, "You can agree that it's okay he goes to see his parents and it's okay that you don't come every time," Jacobs says. The crucial part is that neither of you feels like the in-laws get priority over you, she says.

Related: 19 problems every bride deals with

Get the rest of the tips when you keep reading.

Wedding

Get a Front Row Seat to Bridal Fashion Week Online

If you're shopping for a wedding dress and don't want to pick through last season's leftovers at a sample sale, fight the crowds during a trunk show, or can't make it into a high-end bridal salon and play with computers while you shop, you can still be on top of the bridal game by checking out the latest styles as they come down the runway (without ever leaving your couch).

If you're shopping for a wedding dress and don't want to pick through last season's leftovers at a sample sale, fight the crowds during a trunk show, or can't make it into a high-end bridal salon and play with computers while you shop, you can still be on top of the bridal game by checking out the latest styles as they come down the runway (without ever leaving your couch). The Knot is giving you a front row seat during bridal fashion week (yes, there is such a thing), with live streaming action from three major bridal designers: Carolina Herrera, Priscilla of Boston, and Oscar de la Renta.

Just tune in to one of the live shows online starting on Saturday, Apr. 10, and be one of the first to see next season's styles, trends, and looks. To see the full schedule, just read more.

Tips

What Should You Ask a Caterer?

Are you tying the knot anytime soon?

Are you tying the knot anytime soon? If so then you may want to check out these 17 Questions to Ask Your Caterer. The folks at theknot.com have put together a pretty intensive list, but here are some of the highlights.

  • Do they specialize in a certain type of food, and can they arrange for a tasting?
  • What is their price range, and is there an all-inclusive rate available?
  • Will they be able to provide tables, chairs, linens, silverware, etc.?
  • Can they include a recipe you provide, such as a sentimental family dish?
  • Can they ask for variations for specified guests such as vegetarian, vegan, or kosher meals?
  • Where is the food prepared, and how long will it travel?
  • Do they do alcohol, if so is there an all-inclusive rate? How about a corkage fee?
  • How about cakes? Do they do cakes?
  • Do they have photos of their work? Just because it tastes excellent, doesn't mean it's going to look great. See photos and get references.

These are just some of the tips the knot offered up. Do you have any others? What would you recommend?

Want more wedding coverage? Check out more articles over at IDoSugar.

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