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The 10 ten most uncomfortable or WTF garments worn by female video game characters

Monique Marie — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 13:01:27 -0800

Crazy things happen all the time in video games. People get shot, die, then come back to life. Plumbers traverse magical pipes and fight grumpy mushrooms. Monkeys voluntarily enter giant plastic balls and roll around collecting bananas. But perhaps the craziest thing going down in games these days is fashion -- specifically women's fashion. It's hard enough to find a decent female video game character. When you do find them, they're often sporting skin-tight jumpsuits and enough cleavage to smoother a small child. Strip those digital ladies down to their undies and the situation gets even worse.

10. Princess Peach's Frilly Pink Panties

You'd think a lady as used to getting kidnapped as Mario's Princess Peach would've learned to wear some more practical underwear. Instead, in keeping with her sugar sweet character (Who dressed you, honey, Mattel?) she's got white laceys with pink frilly trim. At least she's not going commando, because this demure little royal with the big '80s hair likes to kick high in Smash Bros. Brawl, the newest game in the series that pits Nintendo characters of both sexes against one another in adorably brutal battle. What's even better: you can pause Peach in mid-kick to get a better look.
9. Something-Died-Here Second Life Lingerie

Second Life is a massively multi-player online game -- and most days that translates to an Internet place with lots of people with sexy avatars roaming around in various states of undress. There's also a booming fashion business in Second Life, since users can create their own clothing and sell it to other people in the game. While little of that clothing covers more than 50 percent of a character's skin at any given time, some articles of intimacy border of the absurd. Take this lingerie ensemble, for example, on which it appears both a peacock and a mink have died. So tragic, yet so sexy.
8. The string bikinis of Dead or Alive: Beach Volleyball

Technically they're not underwear, but the bathing suits worn by the women in Dead or Alive: Beach Volleyball -- the game that basically invented what's called in the industry "realistic breast physics," but which boils down to bounciness -- might as well be made from dental floss and sticky notes. Can you imagine wearing that while diving for balls, or what about when jumping for spikes? Let's be honest: in the real world, there would be renegade breasts flying every which way. Though, granted, that may just put the "extreme" in this game about "extreme beach volleyball."
7. The no-bra bra

Number seven comes from a game called Otomedius, which so far has only been released in Japan but is coming soon to the States. In it, players power up busty on-screen maidens by rubbing their breasts. Yes, rubbing their breasts. So maybe it should come as no surprise that the game's well-endowed protagonist shows her face out of the house wearing what appears to be little more than two flaps of unsupported cloth mysteriously clinging to her perky but otherwise bare chest. Not only is this undergarment ridiculous, it -- like many on our list -- defies all rules of logic and science. Sorry, sister, but that just ain't gonna fly.
6. A push-up so effective it raises the dead

The nurses in survival horror game Silent Hill have always been awesomely creepy. From the neck down they're hot, if a little veiny and decaying. From the neck up though, they're faceless zombie monsters with old bandages instead of features. Sexy, right? They've also got a good deal of cleavage for video game monsters. Look closely enough, and you might even start to suspect these ladies were sporting push-up bras before they died -- and then awoke to eat your brains. How else could the undead get so much lift? Heck, if push-up bras keep you supple into the afterlife, that's a good enough advertisement for me.
5. Lara Croft goes commando

Tomb Raider’s Lara Croft is one of the most popular female video game characters of all times -- not just because she, like Indiana Jones, is a badass archeologist who can fit through small spaces -- but because her chest is so large you wonder if it doesn't hold special, hidden hand grenades. Her other signature fashion choice: those ass-tight little khaki shorts, which are practically underwear themselves. And they might as well be, because frankly, do you see a panty line on those things? Even a thong would leave some ripple on that curvy cut of fabric. It's time to face facts. Lara Croft has no undies. That's her real secret weapon.4. Gravity defying tube tops

Tube tops are a b*tch. You can't wear them with bras with straps, otherwise you're that girl. As for strapless bras, anyone with a C cup or higher knows they're pretty much a cruel joke. No, tube top wearers are resigned to flapping in the wind -- that is, until now. Thanks to the new virtual world Age of Conan, strapless bras can apparently defy gravity. Even female characters with chests of porn-star proportions can get away with skimpy, strapless tops that also appear to give support. Some don't even reach all the way around a character’s back. Leverage? Realism? Bah humbug!
3. A strip of velvet passing for armor

If anyone could nurse an entire developing nation with her ridiculously proportioned upper half, it's Ivy from the fighting game Soul Calibur. She’s pretty badass in a fight: she has a whip and chain for starters. But as each new game in the Soul Calibur series comes out, her outfits get more and more ridiculous. Nowadays, while parts of her are armored -- like her shoulders and fists -- other parts are completely exposed. Her chest, for example, is protected by a single strip of velvet -- which will, no doubt, ward off all potential blows. She's also infamous for wearing a thong into battle. Maybe showing off her curves is a way of distracting her opponents, but that girl must be cold. No one will think less of you if you wear some pants. Promise!
2. Undies for outer space adventure

As video game characters go, Samus Aran, the star of the Metroid games, is pretty admirable. She shoots big guns, she can curl into a perfectly spherical ball, and she does it all from within a giant suit that protects her body and makes her un-ogle-able. When playing the earliest Metroid game, gamers didn't even know she was a woman. That is, until she took off her suit at the end of her mission fighting aliens in outer space. And what was she wearing underneath? Why, a matching bra and panty set, of course. Wouldn't you think, if you were going off to save entire races of life, that you'd at least wear a sports bra?
1. A metal thong. Yup, that’s right.

It's hard to imagine an undergarment more uncomfortable than a metal thong. Somewhere between a chastity belt and a piece of BDSM gear, the outfit worn by The Empress of Time Shahdee in The Prince of Persia looks like it would be great for your posture and horrible for just about everything else. With a number of steel ribbons that disappear into the nether regions of the character's voluptuous behind, an equally uncomfortable steel bra that wraps around to grab her breasts and hold them in place, and some sharp shoulder spikes, this is certainly the most ridiculous undergarment of them all. At least she could injure enemies by sliding up real close then stabbing them with her undies. And in the end, isn't that what we all really want out of underwear?

1 litre of tears :D

yirong — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 08:06:10 -0800

1 litre of tears , is a japanese drama , 11 episode .
well , it is really touching and sad ! haas .
when watching , i'm thinking : what if i've that disease that the girl have ?
haaas , you won't know what will happen to you next time .
haas .
anyway , today woke up late in the morning . have to rush to prepare for breakfast with mum & aunties , uncles.
yuppd , then went to chinatown , one of the dian xin restaurant .
the only thing i like there is like the egg tarts & mango pudding ? haas .
according to yonglin , i'm a Fussy person (but i don't think so)
haas , then went to walk around . haas ,
then went home . start watching the drama
then went to meet yonglin , frankie , shaokiat for lunch .
but i was too full to eat anything .
Frankie treat me cupwalker !! how nice of him ! haas .
haas . they have their conversation about dance , which i totally don't understand ?!
haas , is not my language .
ohohoh , 4dil'09 chalet is coming !!
8jan to 10jan !!! Wahha !!!

ok , christmas is coming & is so gonna be boring !
Jaslyn's is in Taiwan ! sh*t her man ! HAAS !
people have all their activities & plans , except for me .
That's so saddening !
well , lucky jocelyn is there !!
she's gonna bake logcake & coming to my house to share with me !
How nice of her ! Seriously , i love her !
Without her , i'm so gonna be so lonely !!

"on the other shore of sadness , it is said that there is a smile .
finally we arrived, but what are we waiting for ?
the purpose is not to run away , it's to chase after dreams ."
this just comfort me from all the sadness , the uneasy .

Website of the Day: Habitforge

GeekSugar — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 14:35:51 -0800

Habits take 21 days to form, but who's gonna remind you to remember to do whatever it is you need to remember? Did I confuse you there? Well, it's tough starting a new habit. Whether it's exercising, eating healthfully, or kicking a bad one - we all need a gentle reminder every once in a while. And Habitforge is here to help.

Habitforge is an online tool that sends you email reminders for 21 days to make sure you're incorporating your new habit into your routine. It will send a notification at the end at the day asking if you kept up with your habit, and if you didn't, Habitforge will kick the habit clock back to day one, starting the process all over again. Like I said, it's tough!

Do you have an interesting website you want to share? Create a PopSugar account or log in to your existing account. Then join the Website of the Day group where you can post your favorite website. And you never know, it could be featured on GeekSugar! Here's a detailed guide to posting questions or posts to groups if you are new to the PopSugar Community.

Rob, Kristen, and Taylor Are This Week's Entertainment

BuzzSugar — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 07:56:22 -0800

Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, and Taylor Lautner have been posing for photo ops all over town - check out Pop's favorite promo tour moments - and it wouldn't be complete without an interview with Entertainment Weekly. In the cute interview, the costars quip about everything from Rob's attachment to his signature hair to Kristen's confession that she'd like to quit smoking to Taylor's obsession with hitting the gym for New Moon. There're also tidbits about Rob and Kristen's off-screen relationship and how Robert handles fandom. They're clearly a tight-knight trio, so check out the highlights below. If you can't get enough Twilight, keep the convos going in the Twilight Saga community group, and be sure to check back next week for my own interview with Ashley Greene and Kellan Lutz!

Robert Pattinson on his hair in Eclipse: I swear to you I’ve never experienced anything like this. It's every single day. In Twilight, they wanted me to have extensions down to my hips.
Kristen Stewart: He's a liar. He doesn't remember. He's remembering how they made him feel, but they were just, like, down to here [pointing to her shoulders].
Pattinson: So I told them, "Look, that's just not going to happen." I said, "It looks like this already – I'll come to set like this." I sound so stupid, but in a lot of ways the hair is 75 percent of my performance, so in the second one I said, "Listen, I need to tone down the hair. Let's make it a little more real, a little bit more . . . Method.” [Laughs] And then in the third one, I'm doing fight scenes and there's a strand going down my forehead and they're like, "We need to do it again because no one will recognize you! No one will know who it is!" I'm like, really, is my face that generic?
Stewart: They want proof that you're doing your own stunts, man!
Pattinson: I have to look like the poster at all times. Just in case they want to use any clip for the trailer. Any clip at all! There were about five people in different departments who, because of my forelock, ended up in tears.

For tons of more quotes, just read more.

EW: How are you all coping with living in a fishbowl?
Pattinson: It really depends on the mood. When I met you last year [before Twilight came out], I was doing interviews very sporadically and I never got recognized. Now it's like anywhere I go there's immediate recognition. So there's more of a responsibility . . .
Stewart: I don't mind working every day. It's just, suddenly, I have this other role. And that's really disappointing. All I'd like to do is go outside with a book and figure out what to do with the day. And if I can't do that, then I'm just going to sit in my hotel room on my balcony and chain smoke. [Pauses] I'm going to stop smoking. I'm not such a good smoker, anyway. It's not in my bones. I'm gonna drop it.
Pattinson: The three of us have been working for two years [straight]. It does feel like your day has a shape just as soon as you wake up. I just forget what it's like when you're free.
EW: Taylor, you're the only one who almost lost a shot at the sequels. Do you have a different relationship with fame because you had to fight for your job?
Lautner: No, I kept my eye on the prize 100 percent of the time. I was motivated. I wasn't even thinking about anything else.
Stewart: Thank God you got the job. I wouldn't have wanted to deal with you if you didn’t. After all those months of working out!
Lautner: I just wanted to focus on what I could control, and I worked really hard.
EW: You mean in the gym? Because I see your abs everywhere these days.
Lautner: Yeah, the gym was a major part, but I really studied the books and the character, too. And it all turned out good.
EW: Kristen, it must be nice to watch the guys' appearances get obsessed over for a change.
Stewart: Seriously, it's a trip to sit back and look at the sexual objectification of these dudes. I've never been asked to do any of this stuff.
EW: You guys are lucky. You clearly all dig each other.
Lautner: The amount of time we have to spend with each other – if I didn't like these two, it would be exhausting.
EW: Rob, you made Remember Me this summer, between sequels. Was that the set in New York, where you were knocked into a cab by hordes of fans?
Pattinson: That was completely made up. I was walking across the street, and there was one cab going about one mile an hour and it nudged my leg. The story ended up being how I got hit by a cab because of a mob of screaming fans, [but] it was 4 o'clock in the morning and there was one person there – a paparazzi. . . . And then there was another time – apparently they said on the news that I had a drug overdose. The security guy saw it on TV, and I wasn't in my room, and he was like, "Uh-oh!" It's just so weird. I wake up and my room is too messy to order room service, and so I end up eating a pack of M&M’s for breakfast – and it takes me about five hours to find it. That's my first five hours of the day. [Laughing] And then you see the news and think, "Who cares if he had a drug overdose? It would probably make him more interesting!"
EW: Kristen and Rob, why do you think people are so obsessed with the state of your off-screen relationship?
Pattinson: Good question. That's a little thing I have to think about every day.
Stewart: Maybe it's just my personality, but I'm never going to answer it. I probably would've answered it if people hadn't made such a big deal about it. But I'm not going to give the fiending an answer. I know that people are really funny about "Well, you chose to be an actor, why don’t you just f---ing give your whole life away? Can I have your firstborn child?"
EW: You don’t think just saying, for example, "Listen, we dated for a few months, it was weird, we're better off as friends" would end the speculation?
Pattinson: No way.
Stewart: People are deeply judgmental and I'm not strong enough. I would love to be like, "I don't care what anybody thinks." But I'm a very private person. And think about every hypothetical answer: "Okay, we are. We aren't. I’m a lesbian." I've thought about this a lot. There's no answer that's not going to tip you one way or the other. I'm just trying to keep something. If people started asking me if I was dating Taylor, I'd be like, "F--- off." I would answer the exact same way."

Rob, Kristen, and Taylor Are This Week's Entertainment

BuzzSugar — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 07:56:22 -0800

Robert Pattinson on his hair in Eclipse: I swear to you I’ve never experienced anything like this. It's every single day. In Twilight, they wanted me to have extensions down to my hips.
Kristen Stewart: He's a liar. He doesn't remember. He's remembering how they made him feel, but they were just, like, down to here [pointing to her shoulders].
Pattinson: So I told them, "Look, that's just not going to happen." I said, "It looks like this already – I'll come to set like this." I sound so stupid, but in a lot of ways the hair is 75 percent of my performance, so in the second one I said, "Listen, I need to tone down the hair. Let's make it a little more real, a little bit more . . . Method.” [Laughs] And then in the third one, I'm doing fight scenes and there's a strand going down my forehead and they're like, "We need to do it again because no one will recognize you! No one will know who it is!" I'm like, really, is my face that generic?
Stewart: They want proof that you're doing your own stunts, man!
Pattinson: I have to look like the poster at all times. Just in case they want to use any clip for the trailer. Any clip at all! There were about five people in different departments who, because of my forelock, ended up in tears.

For tons of more quotes, just read more.

EW: How are you all coping with living in a fishbowl?
Pattinson: It really depends on the mood. When I met you last year [before Twilight came out], I was doing interviews very sporadically and I never got recognized. Now it's like anywhere I go there's immediate recognition. So there's more of a responsibility . . .
Stewart: I don't mind working every day. It's just, suddenly, I have this other role. And that's really disappointing. All I'd like to do is go outside with a book and figure out what to do with the day. And if I can't do that, then I'm just going to sit in my hotel room on my balcony and chain smoke. [Pauses] I'm going to stop smoking. I'm not such a good smoker, anyway. It's not in my bones. I'm gonna drop it.
Pattinson: The three of us have been working for two years [straight]. It does feel like your day has a shape just as soon as you wake up. I just forget what it's like when you're free.
EW: Taylor, you're the only one who almost lost a shot at the sequels. Do you have a different relationship with fame because you had to fight for your job?
Lautner: No, I kept my eye on the prize 100 percent of the time. I was motivated. I wasn't even thinking about anything else.
Stewart: Thank God you got the job. I wouldn't have wanted to deal with you if you didn’t. After all those months of working out!
Lautner: I just wanted to focus on what I could control, and I worked really hard.
EW: You mean in the gym? Because I see your abs everywhere these days.
Lautner: Yeah, the gym was a major part, but I really studied the books and the character, too. And it all turned out good.
EW: Kristen, it must be nice to watch the guys' appearances get obsessed over for a change.
Stewart: Seriously, it's a trip to sit back and look at the sexual objectification of these dudes. I've never been asked to do any of this stuff.
EW: You guys are lucky. You clearly all dig each other.
Lautner: The amount of time we have to spend with each other – if I didn't like these two, it would be exhausting.
EW: Rob, you made Remember Me this summer, between sequels. Was that the set in New York, where you were knocked into a cab by hordes of fans?
Pattinson: That was completely made up. I was walking across the street, and there was one cab going about one mile an hour and it nudged my leg. The story ended up being how I got hit by a cab because of a mob of screaming fans, [but] it was 4 o'clock in the morning and there was one person there – a paparazzi. . . . And then there was another time – apparently they said on the news that I had a drug overdose. The security guy saw it on TV, and I wasn't in my room, and he was like, "Uh-oh!" It's just so weird. I wake up and my room is too messy to order room service, and so I end up eating a pack of M&M’s for breakfast – and it takes me about five hours to find it. That's my first five hours of the day. [Laughing] And then you see the news and think, "Who cares if he had a drug overdose? It would probably make him more interesting!"
EW: Kristen and Rob, why do you think people are so obsessed with the state of your off-screen relationship?
Pattinson: Good question. That's a little thing I have to think about every day.
Stewart: Maybe it's just my personality, but I'm never going to answer it. I probably would've answered it if people hadn't made such a big deal about it. But I'm not going to give the fiending an answer. I know that people are really funny about "Well, you chose to be an actor, why don’t you just f---ing give your whole life away? Can I have your firstborn child?"
EW: You don’t think just saying, for example, "Listen, we dated for a few months, it was weird, we're better off as friends" would end the speculation?
Pattinson: No way.
Stewart: People are deeply judgmental and I'm not strong enough. I would love to be like, "I don't care what anybody thinks." But I'm a very private person. And think about every hypothetical answer: "Okay, we are. We aren't. I’m a lesbian." I've thought about this a lot. There's no answer that's not going to tip you one way or the other. I'm just trying to keep something. If people started asking me if I was dating Taylor, I'd be like, "F--- off." I would answer the exact same way."

Q&A from Entertainment Weekly

care0531 — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 12:00:25 -0800

TAYLOR LAUTNER, KRISTEN STEWART, AND ROBERT PATTINSON SIT DOWN WITH ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY TO DISCUSS RUMORS, FANS, MOVIEMAKING – AND HAIR.NEW YORK – In the Twilight sequel New Moon, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner are at each other’s throats over Kristen Stewart. Off screen, all three are loyal friends. In a candid interview with this week’s Entertainment Weekly, they share thoughts on rumors, fans, moviemaking – and hair.Below is a portion of the Q&A:EW: How are you all coping with living in a fishbowl?Robert Pattinson: It really depends on the mood. When I met you last year [before Twilight came out], I was doing interviews very sporadically and I never got recognized. Now it’s like anywhere I go there’s immediate recognition. So there’s more of a responsibility…Stewart: I don’t mind working every day. It’s just, suddenly, I have this other role. And that’s really disappointing. All I’d like to do is go outside with a book and figure out what to do with the day. And if I can’t do that, then I’m just going to sit in my hotel room on my balcony and chain smoke. [Pauses] I’m going to stop smoking. I’m not such a good smoker, anyway. It’s not in my bones. I’m gonna drop it.Pattinson: The three of us have been working for two years [straight]. It does feel like your day has a shape just as soon as you wake up. I just forget what it’s like when you’re free.EW: Taylor, you’re the only one who almost lost a shot at the sequels. Do you have a different relationship with fame because you had to fight for your job?Lautner: No, I kept my eye on the prize 100 percent of the time. I was motivated. I wasn’t even thinking about anything else.Stewart: Thank God you got the job. I wouldn’t have wanted to deal with you if you didn’t. After all those months of working out!Lautner: I just wanted to focus on what I could control, and I worked really hard.EW: You mean in the gym? Because I see your abs everywhere these days.Lautner: Yeah, the gym was a major part, but I really studied the books and the character, too. And it all turned out good.Pattinson on his hair in Eclipse: I swear to you I’ve never experienced anything like this. It’s every single day. In Twilight, they wanted me to have extensions down to my hips.Stewart: He’s a liar. He doesn’t remember. He’s remembering how they made him feel, but they were just, like, down to here [pointing to her shoulders].Pattinson: So I told them, “Look, that’s just not going to happen.” I said, “It looks like this already – I’ll come to set like this.” I sound so stupid, but in a lot of ways the hair is 75 percent of my performance, so in the second one I said, “Listen, I need to tone down the hair. Let’s make it a little more real, a little bit more…Method.” [Laughs] And then in the third one, I’m doing fight scenes and there’s a strand going down my forehead and they’re like, “We need to do it again because no one will recognize you! No one will know who it is!” I’m like, really, is my face that generic?Stewart: They want proof that you’re doing your own stunts, man!Pattinson: I have to look like the poster at all times. Just in case they want to use any clip for the trailer. Any clip at all! There were about five people in different departments who, because of my forelock, ended up in tears.EW: Kristen, it must be nice to watch the guys’ appearances get obsessed over for a change.Stewart: Seriously, it’s a trip to sit back and look at the sexual objectification of these dudes. I’ve never been asked to do any of this stuff.EW: You guys are lucky. You clearly all dig each other.Lautner: The amount of time we have to spend with each other – if I didn’t like these two, it would be exhausting.EW: Rob, you made Remember Me this summer, between sequels. Was that the set in New York, where you were knocked into a cab by hordes of fans?Pattinson: That was completely made up. I was walking across the street, and there was one cab going about one mile an hour and it nudged my leg. The story ended up being how I got hit by a cab because of a mob of screaming fans, [but] it was 4 o’clock in the morning and there was one person there – a paparazzi….And then there was another time – apparently they said on the news that I had a drug overdose. The security guy saw it on TV, and I wasn’t in my room, and he was like, “Uh-oh!” It’s just so weird. I wake up and my room is too messy to order room service, and so I end up eating a pack of M&M’s for breakfast – and it takes me about five hours to find it. That’s my first five hours of the day. [Laughing] And then you see the news and think, “Who cares if he had a drug overdose? It would probably make him more interesting!”EW: Kristen and Rob, why do you think people are so obsessed with the state of your offscreen relationship?Pattinson: Good question. That’s a little thing I have to think about every day.Stewart: Maybe it’s just my personality, but I’m never going to answer it. I probably would’ve answered it if people hadn’t made such a big deal about it. But I’m not going to give the fiending an answer. I know that people are really funny about “Well, you chose to be an actor, why don’t you just f-ing give your whole life away? Can I have your firstborn child?”EW: You don’t think just saying, for example, “Listen, we dated for a few months, it was weird, we’re better off as friends” would end the speculation?Pattinson: No way.Stewart: People are deeply judgmental and I’m not strong enough. I would love to be like, “I don’t care what anybody thinks.” But I’m a very private person. And think about every hypothetical answer: “Okay, we are. We aren’t. I’m a lesbian.” I’ve thought about this a lot. There’s no answer that’s not going to tip you one way or the other. I’m just trying to keep something. If people started asking me if I was dating Taylor, I’d be like, “F- off.” I would answer the exact same way.”

Funny Rob Quotes-Twilight

athena4rob — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 11:31:06 -0700

“What’s it like kissing Taylor Lautner.” -Robert Pattinson, Comic-Con 2009 (When asked which Twilight question he never wants to answer again)
“I look a bit like him.” - Robert Pattinson, Comic-Con 2009 (When asked what he had in common with Edward Cullen)
“The special effects team designed everything, which basically allowed me to stand on a green box and look and stay relatively expressionless and all these machines did the acting for me. Just the way I like it (laughs)” -Robert Pattinson, Comic-Con 2009 (When talking about New Moon)
“I actually think being involved in the cesarean would be… I just can’t wait!” - Robert Pattinson, Comic-Con 2009 (When asked what he was looking forward to in the upcoming films)
“I don’t know how many more of these awards I can come up for because I think a little bit is coming out of my pants right now.” -Robert Pattinson, MTV Movie Awards (About having trouble going to the men’s room while accepting his second award)
“Never trust a guy who plucks his eyebrows.” -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary)
“I had pecs for about two days. Everyone would hate me. Just look at me walking around with my little peacoat on. My little customized pea coat.” -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary)
“Sometimes I think I look like I’ve had facial reconstructive surgery. Like after burns.” -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary)
[Jokingly] “I hate people who cry around me. I’m not friends with them anymore. Especially girls. Cuz girls are crying all the time. It’s like, ‘Shut up.’ [Catherine Hardwicke points out that he just admitted that HE cried too] But I was crying over something legitimate. A movie.” -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary)
“I’d love to be able to fit in a box. Like one of those people who fit into small boxes. I’d love it.” -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary)
[Scene in the forest where Edward asks Bella, "What do we eat?"]: “Cheeseburgers.” -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary)
[Scene where Edward shows off his sparkly body]: “I’m sorry, Bella. I’m just like a sweaty guy.” -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary)
“I notice I have one of those butt chins. Like a nubbin.” -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary)
“Peter [Facinelli] would be so good at doing that. I want him to do the Beyoncé biopic.” -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary) When Peter walks through the doors at the hospital.
“Where’s Efron?” [Laughs] -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary) When speaking about how they could afford someone better now.
“In this scene, I’m talking about how much I don’t like cookies…. I’m sayin’, ‘Listen, guys. Have you read the book? We’re not supposed to be eating.’” -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary) Speaking of the cafeteria scene.
“People would be in hysterics if they saw that. It’s like, wow, he’s a superhuman moron…. So he wears lipstick, has a little bouffant, and does little circus acts as well. Oh, he’s so sexy.” -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary) Speaking of the apple stunts.
“Girls, you know it’s all just a game to them, relationships. Just go around stomping on everyone…. I mean, look at this poor guy in the background with his collar up. You know he’s just gonna get ruined by women.” -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary)
“Now listen, guuuyyysss! Come on guys. Let’s all, come on, let’s be simple about this.” -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary)
“My whole head is like I’ve had a face lift.” -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary)
”I wonder if vampire’s eyebrows can grow back.” -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary)
“This is a good look. I’m gonna mess him up,” Pattinson praises Stewart. “And I’m just like, I don’t know what’s going on? Where am I? I just walked out of a flower bed in this scene as well…. I was standing in the flower bed and then walked out of it and then stopped and looked confused…. If I didn’t have contact lenses on, that was a really spectacular look I just did…. I should have had million thoughts, like Hamlet.” -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary)
”I thought I was supposed to have a fake six-pack in this scene,” -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary)
“I’ve got such effeminate hands. I could never be strong. Whenever I even got to a save, my fingers would just bend back and the ball would hit me in the face.” -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary) Referring to when he was a goalie in soccer.
“This is quite difficult ’cause I have a really flat head, and so it’s quite difficult to get a correct angle. And you can’t go up from down below as well, ’cause I’ve got, like, rock solid gelled hair. And so, like, it was odd. I don’t know, sometimes I feel like my head is being, like, turned inside out. Like that episode of Ren & Stimpy when he’s inside his own belly button. I don’t know.” -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary) Speaking of the kissing scene.
“Looking scary with a baseball outfit on and a little bouffant, you know, it just does not work. Especially with sculpted eyebrows.” -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary)
”I’m really scary in reality. Most of the time.” -Robert Pattinson (Twilight commentary)

Cowboy Rules :)

hartsfull — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 09:13:52 -0700

And this Ladies & Gentlemen is ALL About Cowboys.!!!!!!

Cowboy rules for: Texas, Arizona, New Mexico,

Colorado, Oklahoma, Wyoming, Montana,

Utah, Idaho, Nevada... and the rest of the

Wild West are as follows:

1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.'

I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter

how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your

Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle.

They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it?

I-10, I-40, I-70 and I-80 go east and west, I-17, I-15,

I-25 and I-35 goes north and south. Pick one and go.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We

have $300,000 Combines that are driven 3 weeks a year.

6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called

being friendly. Try to understand the concept...

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of

geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during

the hunts, we WILL shoot it outa your hand. You

better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really

want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season.

It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the

first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all

women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order

steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2

pounds of ham and turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes:

meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt,

pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah . . We don't care what you

folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat....

IT AIN'T REAL CHILI !!

13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown,

wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my

house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a

truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is more important

here than the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers

and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water

hazards - it spooks the fish.

16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump

crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore

than we want to see your drawers! Refer back to #1!

A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a

few new friends that probably won't get it, but we're friendly

so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a

real life is all about!!!

Horror Movie Hero Survival Guide

nurdburd13 — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 13:16:45 -0700

The following are tips for any character in a horror film. If you do happen to find yourself in a horror film someday, use these tips wisely and you may make it out alive. Until the sequel that is... (this list is VERY long)

Survival Tips:

1. When it seems that you've killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.

2. If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion or who performed necrophilia or satanic practices, move away immediately.

3. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

4. Do not search the basement, especially when the power has just gone out.

5. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they do not know, or if they speak using a voice other than their own, shoot them at once. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. Note: it's unlikely they'll die easy, so be prepared.

6. When you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off or go off alone.

7. If the gang plans a fun midnight party in the town's old abandoned mansion, don't tag along. Especially don't tag along if everyone's going as couples, except you're the odd guy/gal out. And if you're the gang's jokester, you may as well write up your last will and testament while you're driving with them to the place.

8. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

9. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other domicile of the dead.

10. If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.

11. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

12. Do not take (or borrow) anything from the dead.

13. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.

14. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or f all down at least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, although you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

15. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.

16. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine or Massachusetts.

17. If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.

18. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chain saws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, weed-whackers or any device made from deceased companions.

19. Listen closely to the soundtrack; and pay attention to the audience, since they are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.

20. Never, never, NEVER try to communicate with something icky because "there's so much we can learn from them".

21. Don't make fun of or play with dead things.

22. If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.

23. If a meteor strikes nearby, move out of town.

24. When something bad is chasing you, bear in mind that when you try to start your car, no matter how reliable the vehicle is normally, you'll have to crank the engine over many times before it will fire up.

25. If you walk into the local abandoned-looking church to seek help or shelter, and you notice that the crucifix is mounted upside down, turn around and go back outside as quietly as possible.

26. When you happen to be one of the fortunate ones and actually make it through the film alive, never, NEVER sign on to do a sequel. If you do, expect to depart this world in the first five minutes.

27. Strange lights are seldom harbingers of joy.

28. People arriving to rescue you generally get ambushed by the monster, so don't rely on them as your only means of escape. In fact, expect to be surprised and delayed by encountering their flayed corpse at some point.

29. On no account do ANYTHING because someone dares you to.

30. If you realize that the people in your town/county are having their minds taken over by some strange force, alien or otherwise: DO NOT call the police as they are
1. either already taken over themselves and will turn you in or
2. will not believe you and laugh at you.
Either way, you must handle the problem yourself.

31. If a small band of children appear to be smarter then the adults that are around them, be cautious. If they stay together in a small, secretive group, and display nothing but hostility towards their elders, authority, and the church, leave town at once. If you wish to stay, be as kind to the children as possible, but expect to die anyways because you are inferior to them.

32. If you assist the villian of the film, do not expect gratitude in exchange for your services. In fact, do not expect anything other than death, which will come in the final minutes of the film and usually over the girl you have become attracted to, but the villian wants as this own.

33. If any animals, such as Birds, Pirahna, Spiders, etc. begin to exhibit behavior that seems a bit more hostile towards mankind than normal, immediately call in the authorities, get out of that town, and do not try to talk to any scientist who specializes in that animal (ornithologists and the like) for they will not believe you.

34. Whatever you do, DO NOT keep pets such as cats, dogs, hamsters, or anything cuddly. If you must, do not let them out of your sight for so much as a second.

35. When you land on a distant planet and find some objects that look like eggs, leave them alone.

36. When one of your spaceship's crew finds a hideous parasite attached to his body (as a result of disobeying the previous rule), don't let him back on the ship. The guy's dogmeat anyway.

37. When a hideous alien menace is hunting you (as a result of disobeying the previous two rules) never wander off alone to hunt for the ship's cat.

38. Never, EVER go in/out there (There being the attic, closet, barn, basement, dark alley, dark anywhere else, the all-concealing shadows, the woods or the lake)

39. If someone who seems important tells you to do or NOT do something (like DON'T fall asleep, DON'T leave me, DON'T look for the homicidal-chainsaw-wielding- psychopath by yourself) by all means, listen to them, unless doing so would break another of the guidelines.

40. If you manage to lose a few body parts along the way, don't despair. Take this opportunity to replace them with weapons, such as chainsaws, harpoons, etc.

41. If you are using a gun to combat the all-comsuming evil, it is a good idea to quickly find a new means of defense, because no matter how much ammo you have, you'll run out just before you kill the monster.

42. If you are wounded by flesh-eating zombies, aboandon all hope, because sooner or later, no matter how many anti-biotics you take, yer gonna become one of 'em.

43. If you're the the last main character left, and a bunch of people are hunting the monster/monsters DON'T stand out in the open, because you will immediately be mistaken for a/the monster.

44. Don't open the closed door, especially if you hear scratching, heavy breathing, or any other strange noises from the other side.

45. DO NOT go into the dark room.

46. If you're a male, get out of there as fast as possible! The only one who ever survives is a female.

47. While in a horror film, never bathe, especially when in the house alone.

48. In terms of weaponry and general equipment for fighting the monster, never rely on any tool more complicated than a pointed stick. Generators will inexplicably run out of power, just as the nasty space-vegetable climbs onto your jury rigged electrical grid. Just when you've got the ghoul lined up in your sights, your gun will invariably jam.

49. If you are a female, never show your breasts, easy women are expendable.

50. Never camp or build homes on Indian burial grounds.

51. Ask why the estate is being sold so cheap.

52. If the phone lines are dead, and you hear footsteps upstairs, when you're supposed to be alone, don't follow the noises to see who your "guest" is . LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. Unless you want to die!!

53. Never pick up the phone and call for help, chances are your phone will be dead and the next thing you'll see is the monster swinging some sort of sharp object.

54. If you have defeated the monster, pay close attention to the camera, if it pans away for no apparent reason at all, get the heck out of there.

55. Your dog can take care of itself...

56. So can your spouse...

57. And your kids.

58. Self-sacrifice is a bad idea, as the person you saved will usually die anyway.

59. Skeptics are always proved wrong in some horrible, nasty, painful way. Be a believer.

60. If you're not a main character, suicide is a quicker and easier way out.

61. Your plan takes into account all possible situations... except for the one that actually occurs.

62. Don't be a smart-ass. It'll only get you killed.

63. When you have actually gotten a monster down on the ground with your gun, immediately empty all your shots in the monsters' head.

64. Never be present immediately before, during, or anytime after a succesful demon/devil/monster summoning.

65. People driven by veangance always die.

66. Mentioning any goals in life, anything to look forward to, or any loved ones will get you killed.

67. Never, under any circumstances, go to summer camp.

68. Puzzle boxes are hard to solve for a reason.

69. Feel no guilt.

70. If you throw away some possession of yours (antique dolls and ventriloquist's dummies in particular), and you find it again in your house/car/pockets/etc. move to another country IMMEDIATELY! Of course, it WILL be waiting for you in the car as you go to leave.

71. If you try to run away, always take the bus. If you take a car the monster will be in it. Cabbies are always demonically possessed. Monsters will destroy any plane/boat you try to take. And you have to go through dark, underground stations to get on a subway.

72. If you are a child, don't panic! Monsters only attack overly horny teenagers. Children can NOT be killed in a movie, only possessed or absorbed. So cheer up!

73. If you see a loved one you know to be dead, RUN AWAY! Many people will ignore this bit of common sense, but remember: you can always buy a new pet, always have more kids, and always get a new spouse or significant other.

74. If you're being chased by a monster and you think it's behind you, chances are it will appear in front of you (and if you're a girl, this will happen right after you trip and fall, and then stand up and look behind you).

75. If you've beaten the monster into a bloody pulp and you're sure he must be dead, take the opportunity to dismember, burn, eat, blow up or otherwise destroy him.

76. If you're being chased by a monster and you find one of your friends and they ask "what's wrong?", don't stop and try to explain. Just tell them to run as you go by. If they're really your friend they'll follow. If not - that's their tough luck.

77. If you should easily enter a home that you've either heard a scream from or there is no sign of life when there should be, do not be surprised to find that all means of escape (i.e. doors, windows, etc.) will be locked, effectively allowing the monster to come within a gnat's hair to you.

78. If you should run across one of the escape routes from the previous rule that is made of glass, DO NOT waste time pounding on it. Breaking it would prove to be a better course of action. (Remember, a cut-up hand is better than a chest wound.)

79. If you are a good dog you have a 50-50 chance of survival. Good dogs will only die if they stand up to the monster in defense of their master. Bite the hand that feeds you and run away!

80. If you are a bad dog, you WILL be dead by the movie's end. Therefore, kill all people you encounter, except for your ex-master, whom you feel strangely compelled to avoid.

81. If you're a cat, just hide your head and pray that the monsters won't eat you, the Catholic Inquisitors won't burn you as a witch's familiar, and/or the horny teen-age guys don't throw you over the edge of a cliff to see if you land on your feet.

82. If you're a bird, CONGRATULATIONS! Your people will triumph and rule all in the end (or you might at least escape your $%^& cage!).

83. If you are even somewhat religious, BECOME AN ATHEIST IMMEDIATELY! Monsters will invariably seek you out, gloating in defiance of "your weak faith," and say mean things about your deity.

84. Whenever a strange weapon is presented (e.g. a harpoon gun, flare gun, can opener, etc.) TAKE IT! If you don't, the monster will, and sooner or later the weapon WILL BE USED! Better you use it then the monster.

85. If you find a lot of dead people running around making zombies out of the living, kill yourself IMMEDIATELY! There is no happiness to be found when you're being eaten alive.

86. A single monster can never be killed. Multiple monsters can never be driven to extinction. Therefore, try to get one kind to go after the other.

87. When you fight a monster use fire, electricity or acid whenever possible. Prefferably use all of the above. And an atom bomb.

88. ALL atomic weapons cause normal creatures to grow huge and carnivorous. As do all chemical and germ weapons.

89. ALL genetic experiments will create humanoid mutants (whether or not human/primate DNA is used) with BIG teeth and claws, and a tough hide impervious to bullets. NEVER play god and try your hand at gene-splicing!

90. Always make eye shots whenever possible as all mosters ignore chest/limb attacks. If you hit the eye the monster will be blinded for a while (maybe... and if you're really lucky... and if the creature even has any eyes to shoot in the first place).

91. If you look out the window and see a monster, chances are he's coming after you some time or another. Go into seclusion very very far away.

92. If you set the monster on fire, or he is set on fire, he will not die but instead try and fight you while he is on fire.

93. If a dog, cat, or horse begins to behave in an erratic fashion in a particular person's presence, avoid that person at all costs (even if it is your spouse or child).

94. A small-town's little summer celebration sounds like fun, but if you hear the locals say things like, "Why you're the guest of honor! We couldn't even *have* the barbecue without you!" run like hell.

95. Remember: quaint rural corn ceremonies are NEVER really about corn...

96. Stay away from 'quaint' hotels and inns. Go for the brand names.

97. Turning around in general is a bad idea, as the monster is usually waiting right there for you.

98. Never open strange cannisters, especially not if they're government owned.

99. Stimulating glands that were not meant to be stimulated is a REAL bad idea.

100. Never meddle in God's domain.

101. Learn as early as possible that Man is a feeling creature, and therefore the greatest in the universe.

102. If you catch snatches of the theme song, you know the bad thing is close by.

103. If your car breaks down in the woods, take the time to walk the extra 5 miles into town.

104. Make sure what you use to kill the nasty things is a poison, and not a stimulant of any kind.

105. If you're gonna go out, don't do it quietly. Take out those annoying friends of yours with you.

106. Don't work the night shift.

107. Never fool yourself into believing you're powerful enough to contain anything you summoned.

108. Under no circumstances remove any unusual item from glaciers or large blocks of ice (ie. flying saucers, Frankenstein's monster, Dracula, the wolfman, etc...)

109. If you do remove something unusual from the ice, do not let it thaw. (Specifically, do not throw an electric blanket over ice, do not bleed on ice, and do not let the freezer's power go out.)

110. If you do entomb a monster in ice (Godzilla, the blob, etc) make sure that the monster's location is not well known. (Sightseers have an annoying habit of bringing electric blankets, bleeding on ice, or detonating A-Bombs.)

111. Don't explode A-Bombs in the Arctic, South Sea atolls, or deep beneath the ocean. These locations are thickly inhabited with survivors from the prehistoric past. (Not to mention the blob, giant octopi, etc.)

112. Don't explode A-Bombs in the desert, which are full of many insect species just waiting for their chance to mutate into gigantic forms. As a corollary, don't store sugar or picnic foods anywhere near a desert which has been the site of an A-Bomb test.

113. Don't explode A-Bombs near men or women. They may grow to gigantic size and battle casino signs in Las Vegas.

114. Don't submerge yourself in a bathyscaphe and search for prehistoric monsters under the ocean. You may as well just drive a giant fish hook through your body and get someone to troll with you.

115. Don't visit backwoods regions of the United States, especially those regions filled with quaint people with colorful names like Leatherface or Pun'kinhead.

116. Stay on the Interstate.

117. If your parents killed a serial killer before you were born, chances are the serial killer will come back from the dead to kill you.

118. If you are trapped in a house surrounded by demons, making coffee will not help anyone.

119. If a maniac or monster or zombie is trying to get into your house, don't decide to try and find your lost cat or dog. Give it up, Fido and Fluffy are on their own.

120. Any military containers that accidentally get mailed to you should be sent right back. And never, ever hit a container to test how strong it is.

121. Whenever someone warn's you not to go up, down, under or over there, whatever you do, don't go! (They are only trying to save you from a most certain and Horrible death)

122. Do not, under *any* circumstances, ever go skinny dipping, especially at night.

123. Always carry several guns and lots of hollow point bullets. Shoot everything. All the time. Don't even wait.

124. If you can avoid it, try not to swim in lakes or natural bodies of water. If you swim in a pool, you can see what's under the water. also, don't swim at night, especially when alone.

125. If you are female and you just found any of your friends dead by any means it's probably not the time to get naked and take a shower.

126. If you really must run screaming through the woods, remember to dress for it. Jeans and sneakers always beat a filmy nightgown and high heels.

127. When the bad guy stops to tell you what he is going to do to you, that's when you RUN AWAY!!

128. Don't mess with objects that you have NO earthly idea what they are. They will either conjure up the evil creature, or teleport you to alternate worlds.

129. Don't take food or drink from any strangers or new people in town.

130. Don't volunteer to go for help !

131. Always be nice to the shy, quiet, unpopular girl in school.

132. Don't get locked in any building or business after hours.

133. Don't accept sexual advances of ANYONE who never knew or liked you previously.

134. If you discover any odd scars, wounds, tattoos, or other irritations on your body---you are a goner!!!!!

135. Breaking mirrors usually makes a difference in horror movies.

136. If you share a last name with the killer, creature, demon, or other nasty, make darn sure it is a coincidence. Otherwise, get a new identity. In any case, you will probably become it's new incarnation.

137. NEVER go back for anything you lost, anywhere.

138. Never tease anyone. They either gain extraordinary powers, or go psycho.

139. All myths and legends have a basis in fact...

140. If you know a planet is inhabited with thousands of acid bleeding creatures, it is generally not a good idea to go to that planet and try to bring back one of the creatures.

141. On the off chance you decide to disobey the above rule, and your tracking device says the acid bleeding creatures are moving towards you, immediately point your gun at the ceiling and fire. Try not to look directly up...

142. Never climb a fence with barbed wire at the top to go skinny dipping in an unusual, mysterious, government-owned body of water. Especially if there are rumors about government "happenings" circulating.

143. If you are home alone and hear a noise coming from another room or outside your window, don't assume it's just the house settling or the wind.

144. If you send your husband down to check out a mysterious sound and he doesn't return within five minutes, don't go downstairs. He's probably already dead.

145. If you value your life, stay a virgin.

146. Crosses NEVER work on demonic beings.

147. Never try to kill a monster the same way it was done before. (This must cause something real, real bad because no one ever tries it.)

148. If you feel funny and start to grow hair, shoot yourself in the head with a silverbullet - AT ONCE!

149. When you walk into a room / house etc, ALWAYS at least TRY to switch the lights on.

150. OR... When you walk into a room / house etc, NEVER even TRY turning on the lights, dress in black and be quiet.

151. All in all, stay in the light, inside a well-boarded up house forever surrounded by people and do not make yourself vulnerable in any way possible (by getting naked, allowing yourself to be left alone, etc.)

152. Cigarette lighters are always handy things to have on you.

153. Don't bother telling another character to "Stay in the car." They won't anyway, and will end up saving you.

154. Do not visit Prom Queen's grave, better to remember her the way that she was.

155. Do not allow children to watch television, read old books or play with puzzle boxes or dolls unsupervised.

156. Do not move into a fully automated computer controlled house. Unless your Bill Gates.

157. Do not allow a computer the ability to lock doors.

158. Don't eat food supplements, health food or yogurt. Its not as good for you as you think.

159. When scientists start saying they have made a breakthrough in Gene splicing. Pull the plug on the project or resign as C.E.O of the Corporation.

160. Avoid men in black.

161. Also avoid men with pointy teeth.

162. Natch facial hair.

163. Also people with pale complexion who moan and sway.

164. When Granny starts frothing at the mouth it's time to send her to the retirement home.

165. If you manage to find a good bludgeon or any other good weapon, DO NOT throw it away after you use it. You WILL need it later.

166. NEVER ever pick up hitch hickers on deserted rural roads, especially if you live in texas.

167. NEVER start crying/whinning when the monster or villan has you cornered, it wastes precious time that you could use to fight back and the monster or villian does not really give a damn about your life anyway.

168. Never ask a vampire if he'd like to stay for dinner.

169. If you hear weird music start to play run like hell.

170. If you answer the phone and hear someone breathing heavy on the other end, never assume it is your boyfriend playing a trick on you. And never never, never, say "come on over, my parents are gone for the weekend."

171. Fnd a city before dark. Never turn off down a nice looking dirt road.

172. When shark hunting, it is always a good idea to have any underwater power lines marked out on your map.

173. If you are a woman your chances of survival are much much better if you are a good woman. To be a good woman you must
1. Be a natural blond. Blondes with visable roots are the food of choice of 9 out of 10 aliens
2. Be the daughter of a venerable and crusty scientist, preferably the world's leading expert on things with scales, Latin names or way too many legs. You can dramatically increase your chances of survival at this point by following in your father's footsteps and becoming the world's second best leading expert on things with scales, Latin names or way too many legs.
3. Refrain from wearing makeup, in particular red lipstick or nail polish. This is catnip to monsters
4. If it is too late to become a virgin, become frigid and make sure people know about it. The no makeup thing can be a big help here.
5. Be in love with the bad scientist, at least for the first part of the movie BUT at all costs switch allegiances to the good scientist the second the bad scientist begins to mutate.
6. Wear a rip away blouse and learn to faint gracefully. You will be called on to do this alot.
7. Hang around next to the bad woman a lot. It will make you look pure.

174. Bad women have only the slimmest hope for survival. Cast jealousy aside and buddy right up to the good woman. Be ready to squash the bad scientist like a bug the second his fortunes turn. Loyalty here is misplaced, he doesn't respect you anyway.

175. If you are from another planet and of royal blood, abdicate fast. Intergallactic Empresses almost always end up with a face full of acid and a bad attitude. Even the princesses end up as mind slaves to giant insects. This is especially true of royalty whose names end in a vowel. Change your name to Mary Lou and leave the planet.

176. Man or woman, if you have a kid brother with a cute name and freckles, lose him. Especiallly if he spends a lot of time looking at things through a telescope. Eventually he is going to go into the abandoned mine shaft and everybody is going to expect you to follow.

177. When your loved one is infected/assimilated/zombified/possessed or whatever and someone grabs your arm and says 'It's too late for her/him' BELIEVE THEM! Shoot the former human and get the hell away from there!

178. Always listen to the crazy man warning you something bad is going to happen, because he's probably right!

179. When on the way to camp, you stumble across an old man carrying eyballs, and claiming he is a messenger from god, get back in the car and go back in the direction you came from.

180. If ANYONE says they are are messenger from God, listen to them, because they usually are.

181. If you stumble across the body of a dead friend, do not go looking for the rest of your friends, because they're probably dead too.

182. If you can find any of your friends, leave immediately.

183. When someone tells you not to look behind you, don't!

184. Never go mano-a-mano vs. any monster which lacks a discernable head or limbs, or can infect you with something.

185. Never be funnier than the main character.

186. Always use the buddy system. Also, make sure that your buddy is slower, weaker, or dumber than you are.

187. NEVER eat/drink ANYTHING brought forth for a weird ceremony.

188. NEVER make it obvious that you did not eat/drink anything brought forth for the weird ceremony.

189. Don't be a belligerent drunk. They have a nasty habit of getting left behind by the group and wandering to a deserted room (= deathtrap) to sulk.

190. When investigating a house or place shunned by the whispering townsfolk, don't try on the clothes in the trunk in the attic, don't look in the mirrors, and don't read the diaries.

191. If the barber remarks on the "666" tattoo your buzzcut kid now has, abandon the kid and move to Irkutsk.

192. Remember, the priest will NEVER make it to your domicile to relieve you of those pesky supernatural occurrences. Whether by plane, train, auto, horse, donkey, bus, or afoot, he'll never ever make it to your doorstep alive (unless he's secretly in league with Satan).

193. Never walk backwards!

194. If you are travelling through a wasteland and the locals advise you to go no further that night, DON'T!

195. Do not poke strange steaming rocks with sticks.

196. If you rise from the dead, you'd better learn to like human flesh, 'cause you're gonna eat some.

197. Don't run through the woods wearing high heels, as most of the time one of the heels will break.

198. If, at any point, you are running from a monster/ villian in a car/truck/etc... don't ever run straight on the road. Zig Zag, run off the road, do a U-Turn, what ever! It's faster than you, and will catch up.

199. If you see a burly man wearing a hockey mask and toting a hachete/chainsaw/axe/electronic-brain-sucker-thingy, DO NOT stick around to see if he's with the Philadelphia Flyers.

200. Never, never, NEVER try to remove the mask from the 'dead' villian. He'll just get up again, and this time he's gonna be pissed.

201. When going down the basement stairs, (You will... you ARE in a horror film, right?) always send your little brother/ sister/grandpa/grandma down first; this'll tell you if something's hiding under the steps.

202. If you are a wuss and run away from one confrontation with the serial killer/demon/spirit/slavering-beast, you WILL die later on in the film. This is guaranteed.

203. Above all, remember this: your friends, family, and enemies, they are all expendable.

204. If you are running desperately away from a big boogy monster in the woods.
1. He's going to pop up in front of you
2. You're going to trip on something and end up on your butt just before something cleaves your head from your shoulders...
You're going to die anyhow... so why not try running backwards.

205. If the Damm power suddenly shuts off. Don't go try to fix the generator.

206. Learn Karate, Well...at least no one has tried to roundkick Jason yet...

207. Sudden and loud noises coming from the tool shed are generally bad, don't be a smart ass and go check it out.

208. If you have a cat, give it away. The stupid thing is only going to get trapped in a locked cabinet or closet somehow and scare the living bejeezus out of you when you open it. This, of course, sets you up to be killed the instant you leave the room. Buy a goldfish instead.

209. If you plan to lose your virginity at summer camp or while a psycho killer is on the loose, well, at least you'll die happy.

210. If you are battling the bad guy and suddenly find yourself fighting a loved one (dead or alive), kill them immediately. Do not think that by divine intervention, that the bad guy is whisked away to hell and, for your efforts, is replaced by your dead mother, father, etc... Its a trick, just kill them.

211. Kill everyone you see. If one is posessed, assume all are posessed. Its easier that way. Besides, the whining cousin will only slow you down anyways. Kill them all and let God sort them out. If he's as perfect as we believe, he'll forgive you.

212. Don't be a lurker. Lurkers creep in the shadows, watching people make out. They are always the first to go.

213. No matter how much you're tempted to, no matter how much you want to, DO NOT go skinny dipping.

214. When realizing there are over 10 dead people in the woods, don't lock yourself in a deserted house in which the phone lines are cut.

215. If you are in a car, the engine stalls, and a murderer is on the loose, you have a 99% chance of dying.

216. If you happen to run into a house with the monster behind you and lock the door, DON'T stand near the door!

217. Never buy your kids a doll that talks.

218. NEVER say to your friends: "Whatever you do, don't say _____," and say the magic word that invokes the evil spirit.

219. Contrary to popular belief, most demons are not helpful and/or loyal.

220. Be resourceful. Whoever came up with the idea of putting holy water in a water gun must have memorized every episode of "Maguyver".

221. When you're in a group, sleep in shifts. When you're alone, drink a LOT of coffee.

222. If it tastes like chicken, don't ask for seconds.

223. Never visit doctors with last names that imply insanity, death, or evil... no matter how highly recommended they come.

224. If somebody tells you he's from the future, believe him unquestionably.

225. Never announce openly that you're not afraid, you don't believe, or that you're fully prepared. You're just asking for it.

226. Try hard to recall any strange dreams you may have recently had. They will inevitably come into play at some point.

227. Never try to trick your friends into believing that YOU are the monster. If the real monster doesn't kill you, your friends will.

228. If you ever come across the phone number of an organization designed to help with a particular sort of monster, write it down and put it in a safe place.

229. Stay indoors on the night of a full moon.

230. After hearing the first news report of a bizarre murder victim found drained of all blood, leave town IMMEDIATELY!

231. In archaology class, stay home for the unit on local folklore.

232. Don't succomb to peer pressure, even when they're passing around the bottle. Remember, Just Say No to human blood.

233. Get as much information as you can about the previous tenants of your new home before you move in. It'll just save you aggrevation in the long run.

234. Do your community a favor and torch the local occult bookstore. They're usually more trouble than they're worth.

235. If the garden pests grow to immense proportions, kill hamsters, scream loudly, or lunge, move away! THIS IS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOR FOR GARDEN PESTS!

236. If you DO happen to get killed, make sure it's in a cheap low-budget gore-fest with no plot, so you can come back and kick ass, no explanation needed.

237. Don't open the door.

238. The less equipped you are to survive the movie, the better.

239. Never do anything morally wrong (pre-marital sex, drugs, making fun of the hero/heroine, etc...)

240. Never go off by yourself to sulk.

241. The monster will never attack until you are aware of it. Often, it will even wait for you to become scared of it.

242. If you are a jerk, kill yourself. Save yourself and others a lot of pain.

243. Never attempt to investigate the horror stories of a small town, no matter how certain you are that they are false. They are true and you will die if you go.

244. Never say, "It's over", "It's dead", or "I killed it".

245. Curiosity kills.

246. Don't take off any clothes.

247. If you "have a bad feeling about this" go with it, and leave.

248. Don't bother to warn anybody about the monster, they won't believe you anyway.

249. Don't buy antiques from strange magic stores. While it won't do what the owner tells you it will do, it does do SOMETHING.

250. Never watch a horror movie while you're in a horror movie.

251. If you ever pull the plug on a scientist's experiment, he will go mad and do the experiment anyways, with the intention of slaughtering you and all of your loved ones.

252. If you get a strange phone call, get out of the house. It's coming from the next room.

253. If you have the unfortunate luck to appear in an Italian zombie film, just stand around and wait for them to get you. What the heck, you're lunch no matter what happens.

254. Never pretend to be or make fun of the local "deceased" or "imprisoned" psychopath. For some reason, he tends to go after you first.

255. If you do impersonate the killer, never leave his trademark mask lying around. Guaranteed, you will not be the next one to wear it, but that face will at least look familiar when you die.

256. If you are a friend of someone who impersonated the killer as a joke and then someone apparently is trying the same gag again, run. Don't look for your friend either, mourn him later on.

257. The monster is never dead until everyone else is!

258. If a demon tells you he'll let you go if you help him, don't listen. The guy who helps the demons always dies. DEMONS ALWAYS LIE.

259. Don't let anyone out of your sight. The guy who goes off alone always gets either killed or possessed.

260. If the strange drifter carrying an ancient key tells you that you are safe inside, listen to him. The demons, zombies, psychos, etc. always get inside because of the guy who thinks he knows what he is doing. Stop him at all costs.

261. If you think you just killed the monster, don't touch it. That is the easiest way to die. Always empty several rounds into it before assuming it is dead.

262. If you aren't the main character, then listen to what he/she says. For the most part the main character survives.

263. When the old drunk man becomes possessed and tries to choke the hero, kill him as quickly as possible. He will try to stall you and act human, but he isn't. Don't listen to him. Just kill him.

264. When you hear scary music run the other direction!

265. Never, under any circumstance, ever plan a camping trip that coincides with Friday the 13th.

266. If an alien creature has access to a shoulder-cannon, sharp teeth and/or limbs, or a 15-mile long ship that could destroy your whole city, don't look at it in awe and try to shake hands with it.

267. If you know that an alien creature bleeds ultra- corrosive slime, never fire a big-bore weapon point-blank at it's face.

268. Never go near a town that has a mental asylum and a hardware store in the same neighborhood.

269. If an odd and unexpected fog bank suddenly rolls into town, leave immediately.

270. Do not EVER look in mirrors. Not only will it cause permanant psychological damage (your reflection will show you as a hideous monster/demon/mutant/corpse/vampire), it will show you doing the kind of things that would get you sent to the electric chair if you were actually caught doing them (thereby insinuating that you have been wanting to do these things all your life but didn't know it). Also, while you are gazing in horror at these things, the hideous monster/demon/corpse/vampire will sneak up on you.

271. Don't ever wear a badge. You will definatly die within ten minutes.

272. Choose your friends and relatives wisely.
Good choices:
1. chaste teenage girls
2. any preteen girls (excluding those who stand in circles and act like adults or speak in someone else's voice, as cited above)
3. good dogs
4. younger assistants to world-famous scientists.
Bad choices:
1. security guards
2. law-enforcement and other municipal officials
3. teachers/professors
4. executives of companies with questionable environmental/ scientific practices
5. psychiatrists specialized in criminal pathology
6. obnoxious ex-boyfriends of chaste teenage girls
7. and of course promiscuous teenage girls.

273. No matter how slow the beastie is, as soon as you lose sight of it it can appear anywhere.

274. If you are the main character, take the time to learn basic first aid, as you WILL break/sprain/strain/lacerate/ dislocate some part of your body as you are fighting or running from the monster.

275. If you go camping with your girlfriend and you have to piss, don't go 2 miles in the dark forest because you will die and the monster will follow your trail and kill your girlfriend too.

276. Hiding in your sleeping bag won't make the monster go away...

277. If you hear noises in a room and there isn't suppose to be someone in that room, leave the house ASAP.

278. If there is only one bridge between your camp and the nearest town, don't use it because before you cross the bridge, it will fall or be demolish by an evil spirit.

279. If someone screams "None of you know whats really going on here", listen to them.

280. If someone tells you a tale about a monster that used to hunt and kill people right around this area, don't say you don't believe it.

281. If anyone's ever told you about your twin that died at birth, or if you're adopted, you're pretty much screwed.

282. It's a safe bet that the man who your mom brought home is going to, at some point, try to kill you - so kill him first.

283. The annoying nerdy kid who, "knows the secret of the lake" is probably right, but the good new is he'll also be the first to die.

284. If your mother keeps having flashbacks to being chased by some horrible monster, and you've always been told that your father, "died in the war," but no one ever said which war, kill yourself at once.

285. If your family keeps your younger brother chained up in the cellar, it's probably for a good reason, do not intervene.

286. When your flashlight batteries die, and they will, so will you.

287. Pigs blood is not now, nor has it ever been, funny.

288. Never, ever buy anything at an antique store, no matter how much the creepy owner offers to take off the price.

289. Remember, the hot teenage babe you're having sex with will eventually turn into either a vile demon or your dead grandmother, so be quick and keep your eyes closed.

290. Don't waste valuable time digging up the grave of your dead child, it's safe to assume the coffin is either empty or contains the remains of some strange animal.

291. If your name is not listed in the opening credits, there is a 97.89% chance your flybait!

292. Try to avoid going into fruitcellars of old abandoned cabins.

293. If the first 10 gun blasts didn't do any good, there's a good chance the next 10 won't work either!

294. Avoid any road or street where vehicles that drive themselves are seen.

295. If your pets, or any animal nearby, begins acting edgy for any reason, either take the hint and leave the vicinity with it, or run the hell away FROM it.

296. Never ever fire a gun at the maniac/alien/undesirable other. If the firearm doesn't jam, it will only make the villain very angry at you.

297. Remember this. Clowns are never nice. If you see a clown that makes eye contact with you, jumps on the hood of your car, laughs for no reason at all, carries balloons with threatening messages on them, or waves at you, run like hell and get therapy. Even Ronald McDonald is a potential threat...

298. Don't repeat the Necronomicon spell wrong. In fact, don't repeat it right either. Burn the damned book and run away as fast as possible.

299. If you ever find yourself in a area with a lot of flesh eating zombies, and there are crazy, living people wanting to make a lot of noise, don't disturb them. Better them than you. But if the zombies come after you shoot or hit them in the head, or set them on fire. If all else fails, run like hell away from them.

300. Don't cut up the living dead. The parts will still come after you.

301. Don't go back for a friend, he's a goner.

302. Never, ever use a ouija board alone!! If you do use a board by yourself, Do Not use it in a house that was occupied by an ax murderer.

303. Never, never, never go by yourself to investigate a strange noise coming from the:
1. basement
2. attic
3. any dark room
without a full company of the National Guard.

304. If the young girls of the neighborhood sing songs about boogeymen while jumping rope, consider moving.

Link: http://nac.tamu.edu/x075bb/survival.html

Let's Get Rid of the Weak Players Before We Even Start

Lorelei LeFae — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 13:05:30 -0800

Recap courtesy of CBS.com

THE ADVENTURE BEGINS
Sixteen Americans from different walks of life sit on the back of a flatbed truck, unaware of the adventure that lies ahead, as it roars through an arid and unfamiliar land. They are in one of the most desolate and unforgiving places in Brazil: Tocantins. Located deep within the central highlands of the country, Tocantins has one of the harshest climates with temperatures topping one-hundred twenty degrees. Sudden storms are known to ignite dangerous wildfires in an instant, and wildlife such as vipers, crocodiles, and pumas lurk in the shadows of this vast region. The only sources of water in this high desert are rivers, such as the Rio Novo, which are hidden throughout the land. The new castaways have already been divided into two tribes: Jalapao, in red, and Timbira, in black. The Timbira Tribe consists of Coach, Candace, Tyson, Brendan, Debbie, Sierra, Jerry and Erinn. The Jalapao Tribe consists of Sandy, Carolina, JT, Joe, Taj, Sydney, Stephen and Spencer.

Although none of the castaways have exchanged a single word yet, first impressions are already forming. "The younger brunette…she comes off to me as kinda being the b*tch," admits Tyson Apostol, the 29 year-old professional cyclist from Lindon, Utah. "We have the strung-out old lady, and it is sort of encouraging to have her because you know you're not going to be the first to go," says Stephen Fishbach, the 29 year-old corporate consultant from New York, New York. On the other hand, the so-called "strung-out old lady" has a few things to say about Stephen. "The real tall boy…I think he's like a geek! I think I should be able to lead him around real easy," shouts Sandy Burgin, the 53 year-old bus driver from Louisville, Kentucky.

As the truck comes to a halt in the middle of nowhere, host Jeff Probst greets the new castaways and presents them with an opportunity to gather supplies that have been loaded on the truck to aid in their survival. Jeff Probst explains to the tribes that they will have sixty seconds to unload as many supplies as they can. Without hesitation, Probst tells them their time starts now. Both tribes frantically begin throwing watermelons, water jugs, bananas, beans, and wooden crates off the truck. Jeff stops them after sixty seconds and then asks the castaways what their first impressions are. Benjamin "Coach" Wade, the 37 year-old soccer coach from Bolivar, Missouri, smugly states, "It seemed like we all knew what we were gonna get. We got all the water, we got all the beans. We've got everything we need." Spencer Duhm, the 19-year old student from Lakeland, Florida, speaks for the Jalapao Tribe when Jeff Probst puts his tribe on the spot about not collecting any water or beans. "We'll be alright," he confidently states.

Jeff Probst tosses a map and a compass to each tribe to aid in their four hour trek to camp. Before the shock of this settles in, the castaways are thrown a surprising twist: they will now have their first vote, and one person from each tribe will not be making this journey. Based solely on first impressions, the tribes cast their votes. Jalapao almost unanimously votes for Sandy, which sets her off. "I am pissed. I am so pissed," she fumes. Meanwhile, Timbira unanimously votes for Sierra Reed, the 23 year-old model from Los Angles, California. Sierra sniffles and chokes up after the votes have been read and reveals that she has strep throat, which explains why she appears to be so miserable. Jeff Probst catches the new castaways off guard again when he reveals that the two people who they thought were "voted off" were only being excused from the four hour trek to camp. They will instead be flown by helicopter to their respective camps while the rest of their tribemates make their way on foot. "Thank you God!" Sandy exclaims. Jeff reminds Sandy that this is a game of social integration and since she was already singled out as the weakest of her tribe, she and Sierra must now use this head start to camp to figure out a way to change their standings with their respective tribemates. Jeff sends Sandy and Sierra off in a helicopter as the rest of their tribes begin the difficult four hour trek to their camps.

TREK TO CAMP
As the Jalapao Tribe sets off on their hike, they begin to quickly regret their decision to bring heavy watermelons instead of beans and water. Spencer Duhm, the youngest Survivor castaway ever at 19 years old, reflects on the difficulties he faced: "The trek was treacherous. It was hot. The sun was high. It was not easy by any means." Jalapao soon questions the direction they are headed, and Taj asks, "Are we going the right way, Joe?" Joe and the rest of the tribe stop to check their compass as Carolina annoyingly states the obvious: "Remember the compass always faces north." In the end, it is JT who wins the confidence of his tribe as he leads them on the pathway to their camp. JT, the 24 year-old cattle rancher from Samson, Alabama, feels confident that he will go far in the game. "I know I'm gonna be good at catching fish, and I know I'm gonna be good at providing, but that also will put me out in the front of everybody else as a threat eventually," he proclaims.

In another remote area of Tocantins, the Timbira Tribe struggles to make their way to camp. Erinn Lobdell, the 26 year-old hairstylist from Waukesha, Wisconsin, complains, "What the hell am I doing out here? I'm a hairstylist. The last time I went camping I was maybe in the seventh grade." The Timbira Tribe drops their supplies to take a breather. Brendan Synnott, the 30 year-old entrepreneur from New York, New York, questions whether Jerry Sims, the 49 year-old U.S. Army sergeant from Rock Hill, South Carolina, is in the proper shape to play the game. "Dude, what else do you do to stay in shape?" asks Brendan. "Eat potato chips and watch TV!" laughs Jerry. Benjamin Wade, or "Coach" as everyone calls him, shares his high opinion of himself. "I consider myself a Renaissance Man adventurer. I'm a university head soccer coach and the polar opposite of that is that I am the conductor and artistic director of a symphony in Northern California. I'm always used to being a leader by inspiring and pulling out the best in everybody because, as we all know, a team is as good as its weakest player." Coach continues to preach about his own honor and nobility to his tribemates as they continue their journey to camp.

THE OUTCASTS
Sierra and Sandy sit quietly in the helicopter as it drops Sandy off at the Jalapao camp. She breaks down immediately upon arrival, expressing shock that her tribemates, whom she barely knows, have already singled her out as the outcast. Sandy huffs and puffs, "It scared me so bad, but now I'm gonna make it to thirty-nine days. I'm gonna show 'em because maybe I'm the older woman, but I'm older and I'm wiser…and this game is mine. That's what I believe with all my heart. So let the games begin."

HUNT FOR THE IDOL
At the Jalapao camp, Sandy finds a note which gives her the option to set up camp, thus improving her position with her tribemates, or to search for clues to a hidden immunity idol. Sandy excitedly stands up and shouts, "I'm gonna go find my idol!" Sandy rejects the option of building a shelter with the supplies that were lying at her camp simply because, "It still ain't gonna keep my name off that piece of paper, so I'm gonna look for the idol and that's the bottom line because you have to look out for number one and that's me."

Sierra is dropped off at the Timbira camp, and also finds a note giving her the choice to build her camp with materials provided to her, or search for clues to a hidden immunity idol. For Sierra, the smart choice is to win her tribemates over by building a shelter. "Yeah I could go and try to look for an immunity idol and try to protect my butt, but my prerogative is looking good in the eyes of my crew," Sierra explains.

ARRIVAL AT CAMP
With dusk approaching, the Jalapao Tribe makes it to camp and is greeted by Sandy. Taj immediately asks Sandy why their shelter has not been built. Carolina shares the same frustrations as the rest of her tribe: "We have just trekked four hours carrying pots and watermelons and then we get here and it's like Sandy didn't do anything." Sandy has a viewpoint of her own on her passive decision: "The bottom line is this: when we go to Tribal Council, you're gonna write down my name again. Now why the hell do I even want to waste my energy on tryin' to get in your good graces when [it] wasn't even an option."

At nightfall, the Timbira Tribe finally makes it to their camp where Sierra has been working tirelessly building a shelter. Jerry and the others notice the amount of work she put in to building the camp and praise her for her hard work. Sierra then explains that she is sorry that she tried to hide the fact that she was sick with strep throat, and her tribe reassures her that she would not have made it on the trek due to her illness. Although it would appear that she has won her tribe over by building a shelter, Coach has a different opinion. "Obviously I'm pushing for the strong to survive, so I think that Sierra, even though she's awesome, she's got to go."

WHAT'S A PACE?
The next morning, the Jalapao Tribe has erected a shelter and is putting the finishing touches on it. As JT patiently leads his tribe through this, Carolina feels that she should put in her two cents, which irks her tribemates. "Let's just try to get everything done as soon as possible and relax," she whines. In the meantime, having read her first clue, Sandy sneaks away from camp to dig at the river bank in search of the next clue that will lead her to the hidden immunity idol. Sandy proceeds to dig up half the beach and finds the clue, which tells her to walk ten paces toward a lone palm tree and dig in the sand. "What's a pace?" Sandy asks herself.

THE MORMON NUDIST
Back at Timbira, Tyson asks the tribe if he should shed his underwear as he helps Candace, Debbie and Sierra collect water from the river. Candace, Debbie and Sierra scream and giggle as Tyson disrobes. "I'm probably not the stereotypical Mormon," Tyson confesses. "Having somebody that can make you laugh in an environment like this where everybody is dirty and tired…I think people appreciate that," he continues.

REWARD/IMMUNITY CHALLENGE: A RIVER, RUN THROUGH IT
Jalapao and Timbira arrive on their respective colored mats as host Jeff Probst explains the rules of the first immunity challenge. Six members of each tribe will race across a series of sand mounds and into the river where they must retrieve a raft loaded with puzzle planks. Once they have the raft back to shore, they will release the puzzle planks by untying the ropes that secure them to the raft. They will then race those puzzle planks back to the start where the two remaining tribe members will use those puzzle planks to build a staircase. Each puzzle plank is different and will only fit into the staircase one way. Once all tribe members make it to the top of the staircase, any two tribe members must work together to navigate a peg through a table maze allowing them to release their tribe flag. The first tribe to raise their flag wins fire, in the form of flint, and immunity.

Building the staircase for Jalapao are Taj and Sandy and, for Timbira, Sierra and Erinn. Everybody else is running to retrieve puzzle planks from the river. The castaways are off to a fast start, with JT ahead of the pack. Jalapao has a mild head start as both tribes carry their rafts with puzzle planks through the water and to the shore. The tribes untie their puzzle planks and struggle to carry the heavy pieces across steep sand mounds. Jeff reminds the tribes that the current temperature is one hundred and twenty degrees. Sandy and Sierra, the two outcasts, take control of the challenge as they lead their respective tribes through their efforts to complete the staircase puzzle. Sandy and Taj prove to be an effective team as they give Jalapao a huge lead over Timbira, completing their staircase with a comfortable lead over the opposing tribe. The lead quickly fades as Sydney and Spencer set to work slowly on the table maze for Jalapao. In no time, Timbira's staircase is complete and Erinn and Brendan move quickly through the table maze as Sydney and Spencer continue to struggle. With the utmost confidence, Erinn and Brendan race through the maze and are ultimately successful. Timbira wins immunity and fire, in the form of flint, sending Jalapao to their first Tribal Council.

THE FIRST TO GO
The Jalapao Tribe returns to camp and, with Tribal Council looming, the obvious person on the chopping block is Sandy. Taj, Stephen and Carolina take a dip in the river and Carolina once again decides to voice her opinion about the shelter. "Our little projects, we never finish them," she pouts. She continues to bicker about her tribe's lack of progress, which irritates Taj. "When we first came back [from the challenge] the first thing you're gonna tell somebody is to clean up? Clean up the outdoors?" Taj snaps. Carolina admits that she is very opinionated and regularly speaks her mind, but Taj advises Carolina to calm down because she tends to panic. As the tribe members discuss who to vote out, they are torn between Carolina and Sandy. JT expresses that he is tired of Carolina's "do-nothing" attitude considering that she constantly bosses everyone around. Meanwhile, Sandy is determined to stay in the game. "I'm glad I'm here today and I'm hoping that I'm gonna be here tomorrow," says Sandy. "I'm definitely gonna figure out what ten paces are and I'm gonna dig this time under anything and everything I guess."

TRIBAL COUNCIL
At Tribal Council, Sandy is singled out as the tribe outcast based on the first vote, and it is the general consensus that she did nothing to redeem herself at camp. Sandy defends herself by stating that, although she acknowledges this, she was simply trying to regroup on her own. Sandy demonstrates her various eccentricities while attempting to plead her case. "The old lady can also fit into this tribe of all these kids that could be mine," she exclaims. Jeff Probst bluntly asks her, "Sandy…you a little crazy?" "Oh I'm a lot crazy," she humbly replies to the amusement of her tribe. The spotlight then turns to Carolina, who openly admits to voicing her opinion when it may or may not be needed. With this, the tribe members cast their votes. In the end, Carolina is blindsided. With seven out of the eight votes cast against her, Carolina Eastwood, the 26 year-old bartender from West Hollywood, California becomes the first person voted out of SURVIVOR: TOCANTINS: THE BRAZILIAN HIGHLANDS.

Thoughts?