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Wildest Christmas Dinner

ccpdm — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 17:57:43 -0800

This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. It won first
prize.

As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of pantyhose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.

What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, 'What does this do?' 'You're kidding me!' 'Who would buy that?' Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.

Finding what I wanted was difficult. 'Love Dolls' come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for 'Lovable Louise..' She was at the bottom of the price scale.

To call Louise a 'doll' took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy, but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.

We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. 'What the hell is that?' she asked.

My brother quickly explained, 'It's a doll.'

'Who would play with something like that?' Granny snapped.

I kept my mouth shut.

'Where are her clothes?' Granny continued.

'Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran,' Jay said, to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. 'Why doesn't she have any teeth?'

Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, 'Hang on, Granny, hang on!'

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, ' Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?' I told him she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the mantel, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants. Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.

Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered
that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health.

I can't wait until next Christmas..

Kristen Stewart Wishes for Christmas Dinner with John Steinbeck

darktwilightrose — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 04:47:16 -0800

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson dig into the Stocking of Truth for their Christmas question.The duo, who were then promoting New Moon, ironically pulled out the same question: What celebrity would you like to kiss under mistletoe?Kristen shared, “I don’t know. I wouldn’t really want to kiss anyone I didn’t know. I’m a weirdo like that. I should’ve picked another one.”She did. So when she picked who she could dine with for Christmas dinner, Kristen said, “I just answered this one a couple days ago. [John] Steinbeck. He wrote ‘East of Eden,’ the most fundamental book that covers almost absolutely everything. He called it his Bible. I would love to have dinner with him.”Robert joked about the mistletoe question, “I can’t even think of any celebrities. Ricky Gervais - I like him a lot.”TELL JJJ: Who would you like to kiss underneath mistletoe?

Homemade Pierogi

karmasabitch — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 12:57:42 -0800

I just finished making these pierogi for my mom's birthday dinner tomorrow night.. They keep really well in the fridge overnight and all you have to do is throw them in a frying pan with some butter & brown each side.

Instead of using the traditional Polish pierogi recipe that we make every Christmas, I figured I would try something new:

Grandma Urbanski's Potato Pierogi

Ingredients

* DOUGH
* 4 cups all-purpose flour
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons cold water
* 3 large egg yolks

* POTATO FILLING
* 4 medium-size all-purpose potatoes, peeled and cut into small chunks
* 2 tablespoons butter, plus extra for frying
* 1 small onion, finely chopped
* 1/4 - 1/2 cup grated cheddar cheese, or slightly more, to taste
* Salt to taste

Instructions

1. To make the dough, combine the flour and salt in a large mixing bowl.
2. Make a well in the center and add the water and egg yolks. With a wooden spoon, stir constantly until the dough holds together, adding a little more water if necessary.

**When adding the three egg yolks, make sure you are not blasting a Michael Buble mix and dancing/singing at the top of your lungs.. it may cause you to crack a whole egg into your flour mixture therefore forcing you to start over.

3. Turn the dough onto a lightly floured surface and knead it for 2 minutes. Put the dough back in the bowl, cover it with plastic wrap, and set it aside.

** Besides wrapping it in plastic I also covered it with damp paper towels and a kitchen towel.

4. For the filling, boil the potatoes in a large saucepan of salted water for about 10 minutes or until the potatoes are soft.
5. Drain the potatoes, then mash them by hand.
6. Meanwhile, melt 2 tablespoons of butter in a small skillet. Add the onion and sauté for 5 minutes, stirring often (I sauteed three cloves of garlic with the onion)
7. Add the onion, cheese, and salt to the potatoes and mash them in (I added extra cheese, pepper, parsley, and omitted the salt)

**One the left is the potato filling, on the right is our traditional savory cheese filling (1.5 C farmers or ricotta cheese strained, 1 t lemon juice, 1 t sugar, 1 egg, 1 egg yolk, 1 tsp salt)

8. Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil.
9. Meanwhile, break the dough into quarters. Roll one out thin on a floured surface.

10. Using a biscuit cutter or a water glass, cut the dough into 3 to 3 1/2-inch circles. Roll out and cut the scraps. Repeat with the other 3 quarters until all the dough is used.

11. Put a heaping teaspoon of filling in the center of each circle.

12. Moisten the edge of the circle with a wet fingertip, then fold it in half and press the edges together firmly to seal.

13. Drop the pierogi, 8 to 10 at a time, into the boiling water. Simmer until the pierogi rise to the surface, then continue to simmer for 4 to 5 minutes more.

14. Next, melt a little butter in a large skillet. Using a slotted spoon, transfer the pierogi from the water into the skillet. Cook them in the butter over medium high heat for several minutes, until lightly browned on both sides.
15. Serve hot and garnish with a little extra cheese, if you like. Makes 4 to 5 dozen.

The finished product:

I'll fry them up tomorrow night & serve them with Ina Garten's Garlic Sauteed Spinach (minus the 10 lbs of salt she calls for):

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/garlic-sauteed-spinach-rec...

is it ok not to confess when you cheat

Fri, 19 Feb 2010 15:24:39 -0800

I have been with my bf for 8 months, lets call him Joe. We had a really rough time before Christmas where I caught him in a lie then was lead to believe by a third party that he had cheated on me. He was out of town in his home community. I was devastated and pretty sure we were over. One of his best friends, lets call him Bill, came on to me the night that I had been informed that Joe had made out with another girl. I ended up kissing Bill that night and the following night we made out a little but it did not get serious (i.e. no removal of clothing).
Now me and Joe patched things up. It turned out that he did lie to me but had not cheated on me. I felt too guilty to admit to my infidelity and also did not want to hurt Joe since it was with one his best friends. He had a best friend do this to him with his previous girlfriend and I did not want him to go through that again. I was certain I would not do it again. But then our relationship ran into problems again and I ended up cheating on him again with the same friend. This time it went past kissing to Bill putting his hands down my pants and I went so far as teasing him with oral sex. I don't know why I did this. I partly felt bad for the guy because he is stuck in a dead relationship with an awful partner and also he made me feel really attractive. I don't feel that guilty about the first incident but I don't know how I did it again. I should have known not to be alone or drink with him.
Now I will never be alone with this person again. Bill was in town when my boyfriend was away and asked me out to dinner but I turned him down even though he insisted it would just be friendly. He also came by our home when Joe was away and I just talked to him in the doorway, I didn't want to be alone with him in the house. I am not even attracted to Bill. When I did fool around with him it was not passionate. The sex with Joe is wonderful and passionate and I am completely satisfied in that area. I am still confused why I cheated. I guess I just liked being so desired.
I have not admitted any of this to Joe although he did ask if anything happened that weekend. I feel guilty but I think the guilt is fading. This relationship is so important to me. Maybe Joe would understand, maybe he wouldn't. But if I confessed to Joe I think I would just hide the guilt of not telling him with the guilt of having hurt him by being betrayed by his girlfriend and good friend Bill. Am I an awful person? Why would I do something that wasn't even satisfying me? Is it ok that I didn't tell Joe? I just feel so guilty and it has been 2 months since it stopped.

More than friends?

Thu, 11 Feb 2010 14:45:35 -0800

Ok. I guess the best place to start is when it began. A few months ago my roomate introduced me to two of her best guy friends. That night we ended up going to a party, drinking, and hanging out. Needless to say, I had to much to drink, and woke up the next day with ( well refer to him as Josh) Josh naked in my bed. I really had no clue what happened the night before and had to sneak out to meet my parents for lunch...great way to start the day. I thought it was just going to be a one time thing and that i would probably never see him again. I was wrong. The next night we ended up hanging out with them again and we once again hooked up. I had never done anything like this before and didnt know how to respond emotionally. Over the next few weeks, Josh and I began to hang out a lot. We would go out to eat, to a movie, shopping, etc...., and then end up at either his place or mine for the night. We also became each others designated driver when we had too much to drink. We both had just gotten out of pretty serious relationships and decided to keep it casual. At first, i thought we were just friends with benefits but then he started texting me to see how my day was and what i was doing later that night. We hung out a good 3-5 times a week and didnt have sex everytime we hung out sometimes it would just be dinner or we would sleep together but not do anything past making out with each other. He asked me to be his date to social functions and introduced each other to all of our friends. I helped him through a difficult time in his life and one night he even cried in front of me which no guy boyfriend or not had ever done before. Then i got busy with school and finals and we stopped hanging out as much but continued to talk and hangout on the weekends when i was free. Christmas break rolled around so we both went back home from school (about 6 hours apart). We talked everynow and then about how our breaks were, new years plans, etc. BUT when we got back from Christmas break...nothing. I had him come get me and a friend at a party because we couldnt drive and he came over but something was different. We went to dinner a few weeks after that and things still felt awkward. I dont know whats going on at all. I have a new guy in my life that im just starting to talk to but i still cant get over Josh!! Any help or suggestions about what i should do would be amazing!

My boyfriend's money priorities...

Sun, 31 Jan 2010 06:58:22 -0800

US-SOUTH KOREA-ART

My boyfriend is in his first year of law school and is, obviously, unemployed. We live together, and while I have some money from previous full-time employment I'm not rolling in cash. I completely understand that he can't afford to take me out all the time, and our date nights usually consist of some homemade pizza and a movie. However, the other day I found out he went out and spent $160 of his Christmas money on baseball cards. Baseball cards! I'll admit up front that I simply don't understand the lure of baseball cards (in my mind, they're just pieces of cardboard!), but I found this out just a couple days after he said to me, "Baby, I'm sorry I can't take you out a lot. Someday, after law school, I'll be able to take you out whenever you want."
I have to say my boyfriend is absolutely the best and I know he's totally crazy about me and I know we're going to get married in a few years, but I just cannot understand how he can justify going out and spending $160 on baseball cards when he hasn't taken me on a date in months. Am I being completely selfish? There's just part of me that feels like he should have WANTED to take me out with that money (or at least half of it). Our financial situation is a BIT weird, since we live together in an apartment his parents are paying for (I moved in later, and while I've asked several times about paying rent they won't let me), so I understand I'm sort of living off his money a bit. But I buy us groceries and cook us dinner ALL the time, which isn't cheap. Am I being unreasonable? Is there a way for me to bring up the subject without sounding like a selfish brat?

Obama: 'I didn't sign off on those shady health care deals.' Really?

Grandpa — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 08:40:12 -0800

Obama: 'I didn't sign off on those shady health care deals.' Really?

Mary Katharine Ham notes that President Obama tells ABC:

“Let's just clarify. I didn't make a bunch of deals [on health care]. ... There is a legislative process that is taking place in Congress and I am happy to own up to the fact that I have not changed Congress and how it operates the way I would have liked.”

But the Washington Post reported on December 20 that Obama's top aides were involved in the negotiations with Nelson:

Schumer, who spent more than 13 hours in Reid's office Friday, said the Medicaid issue was settled around lunchtime, and the final eight hours of the talks focused on the abortion language. Boxer estimated she spent seven hours in Reid's offices -- without ever once sitting in the same room, even though they were all of 25 steps apart.

Reid and Schumer kept up the "shuttle negotiation" between the leader's conference room and his top aide's office, Boxer said. Keenly aware how tense the talks were, the White House dispatched two aides who together have decades of experience in the Senate -- Jim Messina and Peter Rouse -- to work with Nelson. They relayed their intelligence to White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, who monitored the talks from a dinner in Georgetown.

Perhaps Messina and Rouse just showed up to provide the "Christmas cookies" that Reid and Schumer chowed down to sustain themselves during the tense negotiations, but it's hard to believe that Obama's aides didn't sign off on both the abortion and Medicaid backroom deals.

Michelle Malkin sums it up:

The unmitigated chutzpah here is so blinding that I don’t just need sunglasses to protect my eyes. I need blackout curtains. Watch President Obama blame Congress for Demcare bribery and sabotage of transparency. As if Rahm and all the senior goons in the White House weren’t twisting arms and cracking heads to ensure that the deal met their boss’s timeline. As if the Cadillac tax break for unions hadn’t been hashed out at 1600 Pennsylvania.

http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/opinion/blogs/beltway-confidential/Oba...

Read more at the Washington Examiner: http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/opinion/blogs/beltway-confidential/Oba...

Christmas Dinner!

danidaniramirez — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 17:08:34 -0800

Starting christmas celebration with a lace dress from Forever 21!:)

Funny answers for an advice column

Monique Marie — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 10:00:59 -0800

Here are actual letters and responses to an advice column, I thought these were funny. Hope they crack you up too.

Possible Hostess in Peril

Dear Advice Columnist: My sister-in-law was in a bad relationship, so my husband and I offered to let her stay with us. We moved all her stuff into our home and even kicked our 3-year-old out of his room so she could have privacy.She stayed with us for two nights, then went to her mother’s. She was gone a week, came back and spent one night and returned to her mom’s for two weeks. Most of her things are still here, but she hasn’t said she’s living with her mother permanently.Do I still have a house guest? I’d like to give my son his room back- POSSIBLE HOSTESS

Dear Mom- It’s me Robbie. Your son. Please hush up. Aunt Dana can stay as long as she wants. I am perfectly fine in the guest bedroom with the peephole behind the painting. WHAT A RACK! At least that is what Daddy said.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Loaned out in North Carolina

DEAR ADVICE COLUMNIST: My boyfriend of several years has just told me he won’t marry me as long as I have student loan debt to pay off. I have always been upfront with him about the amount of money I owe. It’s a sizable but my credit is good.
He says he loves me but cannot, in good faith, start a life with me owing that much money. Am I wrong to think that student loans should not stop two people who love each other from getting married? - LOANED OUT IN NORTH CAROLINA

Dear Loaned- Ha. Yeah. “Loans”. That’s the hold up. Sure.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Stuck in the Past

Dear Advice Columnist: The practice of letter-writing appears to be a dying form because of e-mail and texting. But when I receive a nice gift, I feel the proper way to acknowledge it is to write a thank-you letter.
Can you please tell me how to do one that doesn’t come across as awkward? When I try to get my thoughts down on paper, I am … STUCK!

Dear Stuck- Jot this down. I’m only going to say this one time. Get one of those blank cards from the dollar store and write this inside: Big T, little h, little a, little n, little k, SPACE, big Y, little o, little u. Now grab all your underwear I’m going to teach you how to write dumbass on the inside. Big D little u…

Monday, January 11, 2010

Bricks in Tennessee

Dear Advice Columnist: Christmas is over, but I decided to contribute my memory of a bad Christmas present.When I was about 7, my father placed a very heavy and elaborately wrapped package under the tree. It was for my mother. Inside was a hammer, a pair of work gloves, a small velvet flip-top box and bricks. Inside the box was a note that read “I lost my job. We are going to move back to my hometown. I have bought a house for us to rehab. I love you.”It put a stop to the Christmas celebration and started the fight of the century. - Bricks in Tennessee

Dear Tennessee: You know what’s always healthy? Reliving terrible old memories. I was disappointed with the ending of this story. Thought your dad was telling your mom he was going to have to put an extension onto the house to have enough room to fit her fat ass. Bet your new mom appreciated his humor?

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Closure in Philadelphia

Dear Advice Columnist: I am 25 and dated a woman for about five years. She dumped me soon after college graduation with no explanation. All she said was she “needed to be alone for a while,” but she could see herself marrying me and having kids with me “eventually.” I accepted it and tried to move on.
We’ve stayed in touch for the last two years, but we have not slept together. She calls me every night before she goes to bed. I never call her or visit her. I talk to her because I don’t want to be rude. I’d prefer not to. What’s the point? When we split, I told her I didn’t want contact, but she was devastated so I backed off.
Would it be wrong for me to completely cut off communication? How do I do it nicely? I loved her once, but her constant calls don’t allow me closure. Even if she asked me to get back together, I wouldn’t. She hurt me and I no longer trust her. What should I do? – Looking for closure in Philadelphia

Dear Closure: Next time she calls have a man answer and say he is “your boyfriend Bruce”. She will never call again. Also, would it kill you to take Bruce out for a nice dinner once in a while? He is too good for you anyway.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Heidi Klum Says Her Family Of Six Are ‘All One’

kty — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 10:19:04 -0800

Three months after welcoming daughter Lou Sulola, Heidi Klum is enjoying both her successful career and her new life as a mother of four. And while baby girl’s birth may be a memory by now, its lasting effect continues to shine - quite literally!
Gracing the cover of InStyle’s February issue, Heidi reveals her husband Seal surprised her with the perfect push present: a sapphire ring. “Blue for Lou,” she laughs.
And Lou’s impact on her mama doesn’t stop there. Having wanted to “dress stylish and sexy” during her four pregnancies –despite her baby bumps - Heidi has collaborated with A Pea in the Pod to launch her own maternity line, Lavish. “I got the idea to design clothes for women like me who want to be fashion forward even with a baby on board,” she says.
Her Motherhood Maternity line, appropriately titled Loved, says it all, Heidi notes. “Everything is about love when you’re pregnant,” she muses. “The baby’s being loved by you, the baby’s being loved by your husband, by the grandparents, by your children. And you’re being loved by everyone: ‘Can I do this for you? What can I get you? Do you want some M&Ms?’”
Despite her take on the benefits of pregnancy, Heidi jokes that she wasn’t as fortunate! “Not that I get that kind of attention!” she says with a smile.
However, it isn’t all blue skies for Heidi. After gaining 45 lbs., the model is determined to get the weight off by cutting carbs, exercising, and breastfeeding. “My boobs are on a schedule!” she jokes. Revealing that she is still sporting maternity pants - belly panel and all! - Heidi insists she is no different from any other new mama.

“You don’t walk out of the hospital and get right back into your 27s.”

A stickler for manners and family dinners, Heidi and Seal are more relaxed when it comes to their children seeing them nude. The couple’s bedroom includes “beautiful, artistic” photographs of the couple in the buff, and although she doesn’t bring it to the kids’ attention, Heidi has no qualms about wandering little eyes. “It’s not like, ‘Hey, Mom and Dad are naked, come check it out!’” she laughs.

“But if I go to the bathroom and my kid walks in, I’m not going to be like, ‘Oh my God! Close the door!’ They see their parents naked all the time. We are not ashamed.”

With Heidi and Leni recently changing their surnames to Samuel - although Heidi continues to use Klum professionally - the family is as united as ever. “I want us all to have the same name,” she explains. “So my husband, the children, and me, we’re now all one.”
Their commitment to one another includes an annual renewal of their marriage vows, a necessity for the on-the-go family. “We’re still for a minute and stare into each other’s eyes,” Heidi shares. “Because if we don’t take that time, then it’s karate, then it’s ballet, and then there’s Christmas, and my husband’s flying off to tour around the world.”
For now, Heidi’s hands are certainly full, but the mother-of-four is already planning for the future as she and Seal grow old together.

“At 65 I’d love to be on a boat with my husband, floating around, our kids visiting us with their friends, dropping anchor whenever we want.”

Heidi and Seal are also parents to Johan, 3, Henry, 4, and Leni, 5 ½.
Source: InStyle; February issue
– Anya